Song of life
by inatepaz
Summary: This is the continuation of Past Secrets. Johnny and Roy go to Montana to confront Johnny's past. There is of course Johnny owies, and for you Roy fans there is even a good Roy owie. There are some laughs and alot of angst. Deals with Child abuse.


_Song of Life_

_This story is a follow up to a short story I wrote called "Past Secrets". Although it is not necessary to read that story first it does provide some back ground to this story. This story will contain references to child abuse. The first two chapters are pretty tame and hopefully a few smiles and chuckles. Chapter three and on gets into child abuse. The poem at the end of the first chapter, I wrote when I was in High School. It is a little dark. Thankfully my out look on life has changed a lot since then, as will be reflected by the end of this story. I hope you will all enjoy and as mentioned by other authors and my first story: The characters in this story do not belong to me; I am only borrowing them for the enjoyment of writing this story. _

Chapter 1

Johnny sat in the passenger seat watching the streets and the signs and the other traffic; always the consummate navigator. Roy sat in the driver's seat. Except this wasn't the squad. This wasn't even Roy's convertible. This was his Land Rover. HIS Land Rover! It wasn't so much that he minded Roy driving. Heck, truth be told he even admired Roy's driving. The guy must have been born with a steering wheel in his hands. It still didn't mean that he had to like the fact that Roy was driving his Land Rover. But Johnny couldn't very well drive it himself, not with his right shoulder recovering from a dislocation. He looked down. His right arm was in a sling and the whole arm was strapped to his body to immobilize it. Johnny sighed and leaned back in his seat, his mind going over the events that led up to his current situation.

Yesterday morning he started his shift, sneaking into the locker room because he was running late. He hadn't been expecting a letter to be waiting for him on his locker and he definitely wasn't expecting the news it contained. The letter had been from Carol Kemp, the wife of his track coach, Jack. She had said that Jack was near death and she wanted to know if Johnny could come back to Montana to visit before he passed away. But the letter arrived too late and Johnny had not had a chance to say good bye to a person that was more like a father to him than anyone else. Johnny had started making plans in his head to take a couple weeks off and visit Carol. Then a run in the middle of the night changed all that. While he was attending to a young girl who was injured, her abusive father charged in and as a result Johnny ended up with a dislocated shoulder, seven stitches to his cheek, and a couple of cracked ribs. When he was in the ER, with a good dose of pain meds in him, he mentioned to Roy that he had wanted to go to Montana but wouldn't be able to because of his arm. Roy readily offered to take him. Roy's mother in law was going to be visiting, and Joanne, knowing her mother's dislike for Roy, agreed that Roy should help Johnny.

So here they were, driving towards Johnny's apartment. Roy had gotten two weeks leave approved and had helped Johnny convince Brackett that with him along Johnny would be okay to travel. Since Roy hadn't gotten much sleep, it was decided that it would be best if they left tomorrow morning. As they drove, Roy kept one eye on his partner. He knew physically, Johnny was going to be okay. He just hoped mentally he was going to be okay. The letter had really shaken him and it seemed to be bringing up some old ghosts from Johnny's past.

They pulled up into the parking lot to Johnny's apartment. As many times as Roy had Johnny over to his house, he could not think of one time he had ever been over to Johnny's. He had a picture in his head of a real Bachelors' pad. Dirty dishes in the sink, laundry lying all over the place, news papers and magazines spread all over the couches and coffee table. So when Johnny put the key into his lock and opened the door Roy was a little surprised to see a very neat and well kept place. He also noticed how sparse it was with only one coach, a coffee table and a small 13 inch TV.

"I'm going to go freshen up," Johnny said as he tossed his keys into a little dish on the kitchen counter. "Make yourself at home. I think I have some sodas in the fridge."

Johnny disappeared into the bedroom and Roy walked into the small kitchen. Opening the fridge he shook his head at the meager offerings: three cans of soda, milk, a loaf of bread, butter, ½ dozen eggs, a couple slices of cheese, and a couple apples. Roy's stomach reminded him that it was past lunch time. He doubted Johnny had availed himself of the lunch at the hospital so he looked through the rest of the cabinets and found a skillet. Throwing a little bit of butter in the bottom, he quickly fried up two eggs. He toasted slices of bread and placed the eggs and a slice of cheese between them. He put one sandwich and an apple on each plate, grabbed two sodas, and set them all on the breakfast bar. At that moment, Johnny came out of the bedroom. He had changed into a comfortable pair of shorts, opting not to bother with a shirt. It had been enough trouble putting one on this morning with the help of the nurse at Rampart. He was towel drying his still damp hair. He stopped and looked at the breakfast bar.

"I was getting a little hungry and knowing you, figured you would be too. Hope you don't mind." Roy said as he gestured to the food.

"No man, thanks, I was actually pretty hungry." Johnny replied as he sat down and started to eat.

Roy smiled, shook his head and sat down. Johnny looked up at Roy's expression and with a slight 'hurt' look, and a mouthful of food said "What? A growing boy's got to eat."

"I didn't say anything." Roy said as he put his hands up in mock surrender. He sat down and started to eat; watching as Johnny dug back into his food, wondered for the first time whether Johnny was always eating now because he didn't get a lot of food growing up. They ate in quiet companionship. As he was finishing up Roy casually asked, "Are you going to need any help getting packed?

"Nah, it's cool." Johnny said around bites of his apple. "I'll just throw some thing in a bag."

"Okay, if you're sure. I'll just clean up these dishes and then head home." Roy said as he picked up his plate and headed for the sink. Johnny stood to follow him in with his own plate, wincing ever so slightly as the pain in his shoulder made itself known. Roy noted the brief flash of pain that crossed Johnny's face and looked down at his watch. "When was the last time you had something for that pain? Brackett sent home some meds if you need them. They're over on your coffee table."

"It's nothing, just a slight twinge." Johnny said trying to sound nonchalant as he placed the dish in the sink. "I'll wash, you dry."

Roy stood there watching in amazement as Johnny, using only his left hand, deftly filled the sink with soap and water, grabbed a dish rag, washed a dish, rinsed it and handed it to Roy. "Wow," Roy said as he took the plate and started drying, "You washed that plate like you've had a lot of practice doing that."

"Don't tell Cap or any of the other guys. I don't want to become the official A-shift dish washer. I washed enough dishes growing up." Johnny replied pointing the dripping wash cloth at Roy.

"Hey watch it, your getting water all over the place." Roy said as he bent to wipe the water off the floor. "Besides I was talking about how well you did it one handed."

"Oh, that." Johnny said quietly, looking back down at the dishes in the sink. "You know how kids are, always messing around and getting hurt. I guess I had my share of accidents and as a result had a little practice doing things one handed."

Truth be told he had more than a 'little practice as a kid doing things one handed, thanks to his step father and his form of 'discipline'.

Johnny quickly finished washing the dishes and as Roy dried, he made casual conversation. Roy talked about what Joanne and the kids were going to do while her mother was in town. He talked about how he was looking forward to the trip up north to Montana and how he was glad that Johnny agreed to let him drive him up there. Roy couldn't help but notice that it was very much a one sided conversation and that Johnny's mind seemed to be elsewhere. Roy folded the dish towel on the counter and with a slight sigh told Johnny that it was getting late and that he was going to go home to pack. As he walked out the door he made certain that Johnny had heard him say that he would be back at 5:30am so they could get an early start and avoid the rush hour traffic. Johnny had just nodded his head and mumbled 'Yeah, 5:30,' then closed the door.

As soon as he closed the door, Johnny stumbled into the bedroom as if in a trance and sat on the edge of the bed. His heart was racing and his hands shook. Oh God, the trip to Montana. What was he going to do? If Roy went with him he would find out everything, and if he found out everything, then he would never want to have anything to do with him again. Johnny's thoughts ran around and around in his head and in the back of his mind a voice whispered. It whispered things that Johnny had fought hard to ignore for the past 5 years, things that on a certain level he knew were not right; things that he grew up believing were true. Johnny's step father's voice quietly whispered to him that if he told anyone he was 'disciplined', they would know that he was a good for nothing half breed. And no one would ever want anything to do with a worthless piece of trash.

Would Roy think that he was no good and worthless? Would Roy find reasons to avoid Johnny if he found out about his family secret, like so many of the kids did when he was growing up? He couldn't lose Roy. Roy was more than his partner, he was a friend. The first real friend Johnny ever had. He never mentioned it to Roy, but over the past two years they've been partnered together, Johnny had come to think of Roy as the older brother he had always wished he had growing up. He couldn't lose that.

Johnny lay back on to his bed, his left arm coming up to cover his eyes as if to try and block some unbidden memory. But the memories wouldn't stop and Johnny's mind wandered to this morning as he was waiting at the hospital to be discharged. Dixie had stopped by at the end of her shift. She put on an official tone and told Johnny to come back in when he got back from Montana to get the stitches in his cheek removed and a reevaluation of his shoulder and ribs. She had also cautioned him that soft tissue injuries took longer to heal and that he might be off for several weeks. Johnny had made an off- handed remark that he was all too familiar with soft tissue injuries and their healing time. Dixie shook her head and smiled sadly. She put her hand on Johnny's good shoulder and simply said that if he ever needed to talk, that there were a lot of people who truly cared about him and would truly listen with out judging.

Dare he hope? Would Roy listen and not judge him? Roy had always listened to him before no matter how big or how trivial the problem seemed. He also trusted Roy with his life. There was no doubt about that. They had been in some tight spots over the past couple years and Roy was always there for him. The question however, wasn't whether he trusted Roy with his life; it was whether he trusted Roy with his past. And this time, as he slowly slipped into slumber, the voice in his heart won out over his step father's voice in his head. Yes, he could trust Roy.

A lone Hawk gently glided down from the mountains to the north. It had traveled a long distance to reach this place. There was one here that needed its protection. Silently it landed on a lamp post in the parking lot just outside the window to the bedroom of a small apartment. The Hawk looked through the window to the solitary figure lying on the bed. An arm draped across the eyes. The figure was restless, fighting with some internal demon. The Hawk let out one long skree, silencing the voice in the restless figure's head, allowing the figure to hear the voice in its heart. The figure quieted and fell into a peaceful slumber. The Hawk nodded its head once. Yes, listen to your heart and all will be well. Perhaps, just perhaps, the Singer's Song could be changed for John Roderick Gage.

_When the Singer sang your song of birth,_

_I cried for Joy, for now behold your life._

_When the Singer sang your song of childhood,_

_I cried of Rage, for all you had felt was the pain of life._

_When the Singer sang our song of adulthood, _

_I cried of Sorrow, for all you had seen was the horror of life._

_And when the Singer sang your song of death,_

_I cried for Joy, for now that life will cheat you no more._

_Song of Life_

Chapter 2

The alarm went off earlier than normal and as Joanne DeSoto reached over to hit the snooze button she had malicious thoughts of slinging the offending item across the room. She turned and snuggled into Roy's shoulder; God, how she was going to miss him. Sure, she was use to him being gone one or two nights at a time; not 2 weeks at a time. But she would never ask him not to go. She was proud of him. She was proud of his desire to help others. It was something that was integral to him. She would never want to change that. When he had called from the hospital and told her that Johnny was hurt and would need his help she did not hesitate in her response. 'He's almost like family Roy, I would expect no less.'

Joanne snuggled closer to Roy, and even though it was the middle of summer in southern California, she relished in his warmth. Her mind drifted back to yesterday morning when Roy came home at the end of his shift. She had noticed that he spent a little more time with Chris and Jenny, giving them extra hugs and kisses. When the kids went out back to play, Joanne joined Roy on the couch and as she always did when he had a particularly hard day, she listened. Roy held onto her hand and told her of all that had transpired since he started his shift the previous morning. Roy told her of his suspicions about Johnny's past, and when he told her of Johnny's desire to go to Montana, before he could tell her he had offered to drive, she had suggested that he go with Johnny.

The alarm sounded again and this time Joanne knew that she had to get Roy up. It always amazed her that he could go from sleeping to driving the squad in a matter of two to three minutes when the tones sounded, yet it took him over an hour to wake up at home when the alarm went off unless she expedited things. She leaned closer to him and kissed him on the neck just behind his ear. "Time to get up honey, you need to be on the road in an hour if you are going to make it to Johnny's in time." In response he reached across and pulled her into a snuggling hug, burying his face in her soft hair. Joanne sighed and reached up to caress his cheek. "Come on Roy; don't make this harder than it already is. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to stay here and snuggle, but Johnny will be waiting."

Roy groaned and rolled onto his side. Slowly he pushed himself into a sitting position, dropping his legs over the edge of the bed. "Man, what I wouldn't give for another 6 hours of sleep." Roy said between yawns. "I'm going to grab a quick shower. Help me remember to call Johnny when I am done showering and shaving to make sure he's up and moving."

Joanne stood up, pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and met Roy at the foot of the bed as he headed toward the bathroom. "I'll go down and make some coffee." She said as she reached up and gave him a quick kiss.

Roy watched her quietly walk out the room and close the door behind her. He smiled and wondered, not for the first time, how he had gotten so lucky. Turning, he walked into the bathroom and got ready to take a shower. Stepping into the shower, his mind wandered to the upcoming trip. Dixie had called yesterday morning at the end of their shifts and filled him in on what had transpired when she went up to visit Johnny in his room. From what she could tell, Johnny had two half sisters, Amy and Anna. Strongbow was their father, Johnny's step father. So, Roy thought to himself, that had answered one of a hundred questions. What about Johnny's mom? Where was she? What about his biological dad, where was he? Was Strongbow still in the picture? These were definitely some questions Roy hoped to get answered before they reached Montana.

Roy finished getting ready and the smell of fresh brewed coffee lured him down stairs to the kitchen where Joanne was finishing making breakfast. He walked up behind her and brushing her hair to the side gently kissed the back of her neck. MMM how he loved the smell of her shampoo. It smelled like she was lying in a field of wild flowers. She leaned back into him for a moment. "Mornin', breakfast will be on the table in a moment. Go call Johnny."

Roy walked over to the phone on the wall and placed the call. After several rings, a sleepy sounding Johnny answered, "Yeah, 'm awake." Roy smiled, "You sure don't sound too awake Junior, thought you could use a wake up call." Roy heard a yawn on the other end and then a voice that sounded a little more awake, "Thanks Pally, how much time do I have?" Roy looked at his watch, "About an hour, will that be enough time?" Johnny yawned one more time, "Yeah, no problem. See ya then." "See ya then." Roy replied and hung up the phone.

"So was he awake?" Joanne said as she placed a plate of egg and sausage burritos on the table with a cup of coffee. She'd have to thank Marco's mom next time she saw her for the quick breakfast tip.

"He's awake now. He sounded really out of it. Hope his shoulder didn't bother him too much." Roy said as he dug into his breakfast.

"How far do you hope to get today?" Joanne asked as she sipped on her coffee.

"I hope to get to Salt Lake City. It should take us about 10 hours." Roy said between sips of his own coffee. "We should make it to Carol's place in Ft Compass tomorrow evening."

"Give me a call when you stop in Salt Lake and when you get to Montana?" Joanne asked, reaching over to give Roy's hand a squeeze.

"Sure Jo, first thing I do. Promise." Roy reassured her. "Well, I better go finish getting ready."

"I'll put the rest of the coffee in thermoses for the road. I'll also pack you two a couple lunches so you won't have to stop and buy something." Joanne said as she got up and headed toward the kitchen sink. Turning back toward Roy she added, "Don't forget to pop in and say good bye to the kids."

Roy stood up and placed his cup and plate in the sink, "Thanks Jo, for everything. And don't worry I could never forget to say good bye to Chris and Jenny." Roy turned and headed back up stairs. When he was finished getting ready he quietly crept into Chris' room and sat on the edge of the bed. Looking down at his 7 year old son, he shook his head and sighed. He was getting so tall. It was amazing how time flies. It seemed like just yesterday he was coming home from Vietnam and being greeted at the airport by Joanne holding a 3 month old Chris. Jo's mother never forgave him for getting Joanne pregnant the night before he shipped out and then being gone for the entire pregnancy and the first three months of Chris' life. He ran a hand over Chris' wavy sandy blond hair and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

Chris rolled over onto his back and blinking looked up, "Dad?"

"Hey son, take care of your mom and Jenny while I'm gone. You're the man of the house." Roy said smiling down at Chris and tussling his hair.

"Sure Dad, I'll help mom out and keep an eye on Jenny." Chris replied sleepily. He took his job as Jenny's protector very seriously.

"Alright, now get some more sleep. I'm sure your mom will have a list of things for you to do before Nana gets here tonight." He kissed Chris one more time, left the room quietly, and went over to Jenny's room. Jenny lay curled up on her bed with the sheets pulled up tight under her chin; a sharp contrast to Chris who had kicked all his covers to the end of the bed. Roy knelt down next to the bed and brushing aside a mop of long unruly brown hair gently kissed her cheek. Quietly he whispered, "Be good for mommy and Chris. Give Nana lots of love. I'll be back in a couple weeks."

As Roy turned to go, he heard a small sleepy voice. "Love you daddy. Take care of Uncle Johnny." Roy smiled, "Will do angel."

Roy walked back down stairs where Joanne was gathering his stuff by the front door. "Hey Jo, when did Jenny start calling Johnny 'Uncle'?"

"Hmm? I don't really know. She doesn't say it all the time. I think it's just one of those things that slip out when she's not thinking. Is it a problem?" Joanne asked.

Roy thought for a second, "No, it's okay. I kind of like it. I mean Johnny's over here enough, it's kind of like he is an uncle. Besides I think he'll get a kick out of it."

"Well speaking of Johnny, you'd better get going. I packed you some food and drinks in the cooler. Coffee is in the thermos and I know how much Johnny likes donuts so I picked some up at the store yesterday." Joanne said as she pointed to stuff on the pile next to the door.

Roy stopped her by cupping his hand under her chin and bringing her head up to look in her eyes, "I love you. I don't know how I got so lucky." He leaned forward and gave her a kiss that would last until he got home.

When they parted, Joanne looked up with a sly smile on her face, "Why Roy De Desoto, I had you in my sights since I moved here in 5th grade. Luck had nothing to do with it. Now get going before we have to call Johnny and tell him that you'll be delayed." She said as pulled him into a tight hug and playfully squeezed his back side.

Roy paused and playfully looked like he was considering the options, then he quickly leaned forward, kissed Joanne and grabbed some of his stuff to take out to the Rover which he had kept at his house. Joanne grabbed the rest of the stuff and followed him out to the car. They loaded everything in and Roy climbed into the driver's seat. Joanne put her hand on Roy's arm as he started to shut the door, "Promise me you'll be careful."

Roy smiled and put his hand on her cheek, "You know me Jo, I'm always careful."

"Yeah, but I also know Johnny, so I'll repeat, be careful." She shut the door and leaned in and kissed him one last time. Standing in the driveway she waved as he pulled out of the drive and headed down the street. When the car was out of sight she turned and went back inside.

When Roy arrived at Johnny's place he was sitting outside on the steps. His camping back pack was sitting next to him. Roy knew that it would hold the basic essentials, a couple pants and shirts, a couple changes of underwear and socks, and a toiletry kit. Roy had been camping with Johnny before and admired his ability to pack lightly. Roy noted that Johnny had opted to wear easy on clothes with pull on shorts, a button up shirt that he had left unbuttoned and a pair of 'Earth' sandals.

Johnny stood up, grabbed his pack, slung it over his good shoulder and walked over to the Rover. He was in a good mood. He slept the whole night with out any nightmares and he was on his way to see Carol with his best friend. He threw his stuff into the back and hopped into the passenger seat. "Ready to hit the road, partner?" Johnny said with a smile and a bounce to his voice.

"You sure seem in a good mood this morning," Roy commented as he put the car in gear and headed out.

"I'll tell ya Roy, I had the best sleep last night. I slept like a baby. I fell asleep shortly after you left and didn't wake up until you called." Johnny stated.

Roy smiled and shook his head.

"What?" Johnny asked with a puzzled look.

"Nothin," Roy said. "It's just that after having Chris and Jenny I can't help but laugh at the expression 'slept like a baby'. Believe me if you knew how often babies woke up during the night you would think it funny too. Oh, buy the way, if your hungry Joanne bought some donuts and there is coffee in the thermos."

"Wow! Joanne's the best." Johnny said as he reached behind the driver's seat and grabbed the bag of donuts and the thermos. Digging into the bag he pulled out at thick round one with white icing on the top. "Jelly-filled, my favorite." Johnny said as he took a big bite out of it. "Hey, you want one?"

"Did she get a Bear Claw?" Roy asked.

Johnny sat his donut on his knee and looked in the bag again, "Here you go." He said and handed the pastry over to Roy. As Roy and Johnny ate their donuts and shared the coffee, Roy expertly guided the Land Rover out of the Los Angeles area and onto I-15 headed toward Las Vegas. Conversation ran from the weather, to work, to Joanne and the kids.

"You know, Jenny said the cutest thing this morning as I was kissing her good bye. When I turned to leave, she said 'Take care of Uncle Johnny'. Joanne said that she's been referring to you as Uncle for a while now. I think if Jenny had her way she'd adopt you." Roy said as he glanced sideways at Johnny.

Johnny mouth went up in his crooked grin. "Uncle, huh? I kind of like that. 'Uncle Johnny'. I just hope she doesn't think I'm going to change my name or something."

"So, you don't have any other nieces of nephews?" Roy ventured forth.

"I don't think so. I haven't been in touch with anyone back on the rez since I left 7 years ago. I have two younger half sisters, Amy and Anna. I guess Amy could have kids by now, she'd be turning 18. Anna is mentally handicapped and had the IQ of a 3 year old. I doubt she would have had any kids." Johnny replied.

"You said they were your half sisters, are your mom and dad divorced?" Roy pressed.

"No, my dad died when I was almost 2 years old. My mom use to tell me about him and how much they were in love. My mom, Jessica Longfeather was a full blood Native American born on the reservation. Like many of the girls on the reservation, my mom worked after school cleaning houses for the white folks in the nearby town. She would always clean the Gage's house on Saturdays because their son Roderick would come home from college on the weekends. After she finished she would sit and talk with Rick and he would tell her of all that he was learning and of the world outside the reservation. One thing led to another and they fell in love. The year my mom graduated high school they ran off to Idaho and got married. His family all but disowned him. Her family was hurt but some what supportive. For the first two years of their marriage, mom worked while my dad finished his degree as a Structural Engineer. She used to say that they didn't have much, but they sure had a lot of love. When he graduated, he got a job with a firm and 9 months later I arrived on the scene."

_**When the Singer sang your song of birth,**_

_**I cried for Joy, for now behold our life.**_

'My mom said that was the happiest moment in my dad's life. She would tell me stories about how he would take me everywhere. She said that she made one of those papoose things that you put babies in and they would spend all weekend hiking and camping. She said that even as a little baby I had my dad's smile. She called it the 'Gage charm'." Johnny face lit up with his crooked smile.

"Then, when I was about 22 months old, an earthquake hit while he was at a construction site and he was buried under a stack of steel beams. My dad's parents blamed her for his death and told her that they never wanted to hear from her again. With a young child and no support, my mom returned to the reservation. Her parents reluctantly took her back in and then arranged for her to marry my step dad Charles Strongbow." A frown formed on Johnny's face and he stopped talking. After a few moments of silence Johnny looked down at his watch, "You know, it's getting around lunch time and I could really go for something to eat. Why don't we find a place to stop?"

"Sure, sounds good," Roy replied, knowing that there would be no further discussion about Johnny's family for the time being.

They had passed Las Vegas a couple hours back and were just inside of Utah. Roy pulled into a rest stop and dug around in the back to find the cooler. Dragging it out, he carried it over to a pick nick table. Johnny helped him to pull out sandwiches, chips, apples, and drinks. Joanne had thought of everything, even a plate of homemade cookies. Johnny was quiet during the meal and Roy respected his silence. Roy spent the time scanning the truck stop. It was a force of habit that came from years of working as a rescueman and a paramedic. Roy knew that Johnny would be doing the same thing if he hadn't been so preoccupied. It wasn't so much that they would look for trouble, it was more of being aware of the area and the possibilities. Roy watched the various truckers pulling in to take a break. There were half dozen trucks in the parking lot, and four of the drivers were standing around talking near the information building. When the meal was finished, Roy cleaned things up while Johnny excused himself to go to the restroom.

Roy took the cooler back to the car and then headed to the restroom himself. He noticed that the truckers were no where in sight. As he walked to the bathroom door he heard voices inside.

"Hey little Indian boy, nice arrowhead necklace you got there. I've always wanted one of them things. How about we have a pow wow and trade? Jake there has some 'firewater' in his flask and Bob has some smokes." A nasally voice said. Roy heard what sounded like a metal flask and a pack of cigarettes being sat on the metal ledge of one of the mirrors. Then the nasally voice spoke again, "Don't go turning your back to me. Zeke, I think this Indian boy needs a lesson in manners."

Roy heard some scuffling sounds and a grunt like air being forced out of someone's lungs. The sound he heard next made his heart jump into his throat, the 'snick' of a switchblade opening. Roy stepped through the door way and turned the corner. What he saw made his stomach flip. At the far end of the restroom the four truckers he had seen outside were surrounding Johnny, the biggest of which had Johnny pinned against the wall with one thick arm across his neck. A deadly looking switch blade was poised at Johnny's left shoulder.

Roy cleared his throat, "Excuse me, can I be of some assistance here?"

"Not unless y'all kin translate ta Indian boy here that unless he gives Carl that thar necklace, then he's gonna have a few more holes in 'im." The big guy that Roy guessed was named Zeke said as he pushed Johnny further into the wall. Roy saw Johnny wince slightly and clench his fists. If he didn't think fast and think smart, they would both be in a world of trouble. He really didn't want to see anymore of Johnny's blood. Blood! That was the answer.

"Well actually Zeke, it is Zeke isn't it?" The big man nodded, a little taken off guard by the fact that Roy used his name, which was what Roy wanted. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to be the one to stick any holes in my friend. You see my friend here has Hepatitis. So if his blood gets on you, you would probably get infected too." This had the desired results Roy had wanted. Zeke pulled his knife back from Johnny's shoulder. Now to make them all want to get as far away from Johnny as they could. He decided to embellish the symptoms. "You see, if you get infected with Hepatitis, first you get all achy like you have the flu, but this 'flu' lasts for 3 months. Then when you get over that, you lose your appetite and can't eat. Don't take my word for it, just look at how skinny he is. He used to be over 250 pounds." All four guys now took two steps back and stared at Johnny warily. Roy smiled ever so slightly, now for the finale. "That's not the worst part though. The worst part comes when the disease attacks your manhood and leaves you impotent, you know, 'with out the ability to perform'." Roy knew this last part was an out right lie, but it had the desired effects. The men now were back pedaling out of the bathroom and looking at Johnny as if he had leprosy. Roy heard Zeke complaining, "Aw man, I didn't get any blood on me did I?"

Roy took a deep breath and leaned forward with his hands on his thighs like a winded runner. He looked over to where Johnny had slid down the wall and was sitting in a crouch with his eyes closed and his head against the wall. "You okay?" Roy asked, hoping his voice would stay steady,

"Yeah man, just give me a minute." Johnny replied in a soft, shaky, strained voice. After a minute, Johnny took a deep breath and let it out. One corner of his mouth quirked up, "Man, how did you come up with that Hepatitis idea? Especially the stuff about 'your manhood'. I thought for sure I was going to bust out laughing when I saw their faces."

"Well, I knew I wasn't going to be able to physically take them on, so I figured I needed to hit them where it would hurt the most." Roy looked at Johnny, who had not moved, "You sure you're okay?" He said as he walked over and crouched down in front of Johnny.

"Actually, if you could give me a hand up." Johnny said, not entirely trusting his legs. Roy grabbed a hold of Johnny's extended left arm just above the elbow with his left arm and gently eased him into a standing position. He noticed Johnny clinch his jaw with the movement. "Thanks, I think they banged up my shoulder a little when the big guy pinned me against the wall." Johnny said between clinched teeth.

"You want me to go get the pain meds Brackett prescribed?" Roy asked.

"No man, you finish up in here. I'll head back to the car after I splash some water on my face." Johnny said as he turned the water on.

Roy turned and went into one of the stalls. Johnny looked at himself in the mirror and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He couldn't stop his hand from shaking. If Roy hadn't walked in when he did he could have been stabbed and god knows how close the nearest hospital was. His eyes wandered to the flask and the cigarettes. It had been almost 9 years since Jack had helped him break his addiction. He had started when he was 7 years old and by the time he was 11 he was addicted. When Jack took him under his wing and encouraged him to try out for the school's track team he helped Johnny to realize what smoking was doing to his lungs and how it hindered his running. Johnny could count the number of times he had smoked since then on one hand. With a shaking hand Johnny reached forward, turned off the water, grabbed the pack of cigarettes, and walked back toward the Rover.

Johnny sat in the front passenger seat of the Rover absently tapping the pack of cigarettes on his thigh. He closed his eyes and concentrated on slowing down his breathing and his heart rate. It was something he had learned long ago from an old Indian man. It had helped him a number of times in life, especially during dangerous situations at work. It never stopped him from being afraid, but it helped to control the fear. As he quieted his body, his awareness of his surroundings increased. He heard the occasional passing of a car or truck on the freeway. He heard the skree of a Hawk as it glided overhead. He heard a gentle breeze blowing sand around the parking lot. He heard the scrunching of Roy's tennis shoes on the sidewalk leading from the bathroom. Breaking out of his thoughts, Johnny quickly slid the pack of cigarettes under the seat as Roy opened the driver's door.

"So did you take one?" Roy asked, climbing into the driver's seat.

"Huh?" Johnny looked confused. How did he know about the cigarettes?

"The pain meds Bracket prescribed, did you take one?" Roy said as he looked at Johnny.

"Oh, that. It was nothing." Johnny said dismissingly.

Roy shook his head, "Johnny, you were just thrown up against a wall by a guy that was half again your size. I saw the pain on your face. Don't tell me it was nothing."

"I don't need the pills Roy; I can handle things with out them." Johnny was starting to get mad. He wished Roy would just drop the whole thing.

Roy wasn't about to let it drop though, "Your not superman, Johnny."

"I didn't say I was!" Johnny shouted. "I just don't want the damn pills, okay?!"

"Why?!" Roy demanded

"Because! I don't want to end up like my mom! Damn it!" Johnny pounded his fist on the dash. The glove compartment popped open. Johnny stared at it for a moment, reached in and grabbed the lighter. He reached under the front seat, grabbed the pack of cigarettes, and walked to the far end of the rest stop. Leaning against a huge boulder, he tapped out a cigarette. Putting it between his lips, he clicked the lighter open and leaned down to the flame. He took a deep drag from the cigarette, closed the lighter, and blew the smoke out. Coughing slightly he took two more drags from the cigarette, leaned his head back, closed his eyes and blew the smoke up into the air. Seeing Roy walking slowly toward him he took another long drag, blew out the smoke, looked at the cigarette, dropped it and ground it out.

Roy leaned against the rock next to him. "I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't." Johnny said as he reached into the sling, pulled out the pack, and handed it to Roy. "At least I haven't in the past 9 years. When I joined track in 7th grade Jack told me if I wanted to run I had to quit smoking."

"Geez," was all Roy could say as he looked at the pack in his hands, "If you stopped when you were in 7th grade, when did you start?"

"Just before first grade," Johnny said, intently studding the ground beneath his shoes. "On the rez, to deal with things, you turned to one of three things; drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. My mom turned to pain killers after her fourth pregnancy ended in a still birth. Three years later, when I was thirteen, I came home from school one day and found her unresponsive on the floor of the bathroom. She had taken more than a half a bottle of pain killers. The cops didn't even attempt to revive her. She died before the ambulance arrived. Her breathing just got slower and slower, until it stopped." Johnny looked up at Roy, the pain of the memories evident on his face, "Now do you understand why I don't want those pills?"

Roy nodded, not trusting his voice. They stood there for a few moments not saying anything. Finally Roy broke the silence, "We better get back on the road before it gets too late." The two walked slowly back to the car and got in. Roy guided the car back onto the interstate. Johnny leaned his head back and fell into a quiet sleep. High above a Hawk took to flight from a small stand of trees near the rest stop and headed north.

_Song of Life_

Chapter 3

_Reader warning: This chapter actually has a child abuse scene and some strong language. _

Roy and Johnny had made it to Salt Lake just about dinner time. Since Johnny's arm was still bothering him some they checked into the hotel and Roy went out to grab some pizza. After Roy called Joanne, they spent the evening watching an old movie on the TV during which Roy fell asleep. Johnny fell asleep easily enough, but the night was restless and plagued with memories he thought were long ago buried. Memories of hunger, memories of loneliness, memories of fear, memories of pain. Pain from bruises, pain from burns, pain from broken bones, pain from days with out food. Almost ten years of pain he had endured at the hands of his step-father, from his 4th birthday to the spring before his 14th birthday. Ten years of believing that his sole purpose on this planet was to be an object for his step father to release his rage on. And rage he had. But while Johnny's mother was alive it was 'restrained' rage; if you can call being beaten with a belt two to three times a week 'restrained'; if you can call going to the clinic a least once a month to get stitched up or broken bones set because you were pushed down the steps to the cellar 'restrained'.

Johnny turned his head and looked out from under his arm that he had draped across his eyes to where the clock sat on the table between the two beds. 5:45am, no use in trying to go back to sleep now Johnny thought as he slowly sat up on the edge of the bed. Looking over to Roy who was asleep on the other bed, Johnny quietly got to his feet and headed to the bathroom to grab a quick shower. Closing the door behind him, he used the facilities and then stepped into the shower and turned on the water, relishing the warm spray as it flowed over his sore muscles. Warm showers were a luxury that he quickly learned to love when the Kemps took him in. Growing up, warm water was for adults only. Johnny had learned that lesson early on when he was just 5 years old. On one particularly cold January night he had asked Strongbow if he could turn on the warm water for his bath. Strongbow had ranted about how if he wanted a hot bath he was going to get one. He then ordered Johnny into the tub and turned the hot water on full force. Johnny took the fastest shower he had ever taken as the scalding water rained down on him. By the time he was done he had 1st degree burns over most of his body and some 2nd degree burns on his back. A knock on the door brought him back to the present as Roy poked his head in, "Hey Johnny, you going to be much longer?"

"Almost finished, don't worry, this isn't the station house and I'm not Chet Kelly, there will be enough hot water left." Johnny said as he rinsed the shampoo from his head. Turning off the water, he grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist, and walked over to stand in front of the steamy mirror. Staring at the image before him he saw his new injuries standing out bright and red and purplish. Under them lay the older scars, turned silvery white with age. More scars than a 24 year old body should have, no make that a 20 year old body. It was hard sometimes to remember that he was really 4 years younger than what his driver's license said. With the help of Jack and Carol, and Carol's brother Nick, he was able to falsify his age in order to be a legal adult of 18 years when he moved to L.A. Nobody knew he had changed his age accept Carol, Jack, and Nick. Jack is deceased and Nick uses enough recreational drugs that it would be doubtful if he even remembered. As Johnny turned to leave the bathroom, the reflection of a painfully skinny boy of about 11 years with short dark unruly hair turned in the mirror to leave too.

"How's the shoulder?" Roy asked as Johnny came out of the bathroom.

Johnny shrugged his left shoulder and then moved his right arm a little. Wincing and drawing in a quick breath, Johnny closed his eyes and took a couple slow breaths before answering, "A little stiff, not to bad though."

Yeah, right and your pulse rate didn't just shoot up when you winced either, Roy said to himself. To Johnny he simply said, "Don't push it too fast, there's no rush. Do you need any help getting dressed before I grab a quick shower?"

Johnny, who had just pulled out a pair of Jeans and a button up long sleeve shirt turned his head and gave Roy a slightly perturbed look, "Roy, I'm a grown man, I think I can dress myself."

"Oh yeah, that's right, you're use to doing things one handed. Well don't hesitate to ask if you do need any help." Roy said and headed into the bathroom.

Johnny sat on the edge of the bed and started to dress. The underwear and the socks were of course the easiest, they just pulled on. The jeans were not that hard. It would have been easier if it was his left arm hurt instead of his right since the zipper pulled up on the right side, but he wasn't about to have Roy zip his pants for him. So with a little finagling he was able to zip them and snap them. Thankfully they were not button ups. Buttons, damn, Johnny thought as he looked down at his shirt. Buttons. He didn't have much practice with buttons. As a kid he either went around without a shirt, with a t-shirt, or a sweat shirt. No buttons. Well it couldn't be that hard, after all he had learned how to do a lot of other things one handed. As Johnny slowly slid the shirt onto his right arm, images flashed through his mind of a 4 year old with a cast on his arm learning to get dressed one handed. Pulling the shirt across his back and sliding his left arm in, images flashed through his mind of a 7 year old with yet another cast on his arm learning to wash dishes one handed. Working slowly and deliberately he started buttoning up his shirt. Images of a 10 year old with his left hand wrapped in gauze learning to cook dinner one handed lingered in his mind.

Roy had finished showering and shaving and had stopped in the bathroom doorway, silently watching his partner struggle with the buttons of his shirt. When Johnny was almost done Roy broke the silence, "I don't know about you, but I could really go for a hot breakfast." Roy walked passed Johnny who was still working diligently on the buttons. Not getting any answer, Roy asked a little louder, as he tossed his shaving kit on the table. "Johnny, how about a **hot** breakfast this morning?"

The shaving kit landed with a loud thwack. Johnny looked up, startled, and with a racing heart threw his back up against the wall. His eyes searching desperately for escape as his mind transported him back to a small kitchen in a run down house.

_**When the Singer sang your song of childhood,**_

_**I cried of Rage, for all you had felt was the pain of life.**_

_Thwack!! The large fist slammed against the door frame leading into the kitchen causing 10 year old Johnny Gage to throw his back into the furthest corner of the small room._

"_Damn it boy, where in the hell is dinner? When I get home from work I expect to have a hot meal waiting from me," Charles Strongbow shouted as he stood towering over the little boy._

"_I..I..I'm sorry, I c..can make some sandwiches," Johnny replied hoping to avoid any further confrontation. His step father wasn't going to be so accommodating Johnny realized as the man's big fist closed over his arm and dragged him toward the stove._

"_Sandwiches! Sandwiches! If I wanted some stinkin sandwich then I would have said so. I said I wanted a __**hot**__ dinner. Understand __**Hot!**__" he yelled turning the gas stove on high and shoving the boy's hand over top of the flame._

"_NO! Strongbow, please don't." cried Johnny as he tried to wiggle loose from the strong grip. He could see the flesh on the palm of his hand turn red and start to form little blisters. The big man's grip loosened as he backhanded the young boy across the face sending him crashing to the floor. Tears sprang unbidden to his eyes._

"_You better not be crying boy or I'll really give you something to cry about. You ain't ever going to grow up to be a man if you can't handle a little pain every now and then," his step father thundered looking down at the small boy with disgust in his eyes. _

"_Stand up boy when someone is talking to you."_

_Cradling his injured hand to his chest, Johnny slowly got to his feet and stood in front of the big man, eyes cast to the floor. Johnny was taught at an early age that you don't look your superiors in the eyes._

"_Maybe I should just take you down to the cellar and teach you a proper lesson," the big man sneered looking down at the child whose long unruly dark hair had come loose of its braid and now fell across his face._

_Johnny's knees almost buckled at the mention of the cellar. If Charles took him down there, by the time he was through with him, he would definitely need to go to the clinic. The last time he was taken down there, Charles broke his leg so he couldn't run and then proceeded to lay open his back side with his wide leather belt. _

_Just then a small young girl with long raven hair timidly called out from the doorway, "Daddy, Anna and I are really hungry, could you take us down to the Diner to get something to eat?"_

_Johnny glanced out of the corner of his eye at his 7 year old half sister Amy. She flashed him a quick smile then bit her lower lip and lowered her eyes hoping that she had defused the situation and not redirected her father's anger toward her._

_Charles Strongbow looked from Johnny to the little girl and back again, his hands clenching and unclenching. Turning back to his daughter he took a deep breath,_

"_Fine, get your sister ready and meet me out in the car," he simply stated. He then turned back to Johnny and in a voice filled with malice added, "And you, since you obviously weren't hungry enough to remember about dinner, you can go to bed with out any."_

"_Yes sir," Johnny quietly replied as his stomach reminded him that he had only eaten an apple since the previous night since his step father had decided to make him do his chores twice this morning causing him to miss breakfast and the chance to pack a lunch for school. _

"_And don't wake your mother boy. The doctor said she needs lots of rest if the baby she's caring is going to be born healthy." His step father added as he shut the front door behind him. _

_Alone in the quiet house except for his sleeping mother, Johnny walked down the hall to the bathroom and turned on the light. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes with his right hand and noted the growing bruise on his cheek. He gently touched his cheek, just a bruise, no broken skin, no need for stitches. Now for the more pressing problem Johnny thought to himself as he looked down to his left hand which was now bright red and puffy with blisters. Seeing that none of the blisters had broken open he turned on the water and slowly stuck his hand under the cool tap. As the shock of the cool water hit his system the world around him started to grey out and his knees began to buckle. Shaking his head and drawing in a long slow breath he willed himself not to pass out. Withdrawing his hand from the water he slowly sat down on the lid of the toilet and looked closely at the blisters. He knew that he should probably walk down to the clinic to have a doctor look at it, but he figured as long as he kept the area clean and didn't get an infection he could take care of it himself. Doctors and hospitals and clinics were all a waste of time._

_Wrapping a clean cloth around his hand, Johnny slowly made his way back down the hall to his room. He stopped at the door to his mother's room and peeked in. She was laying on her right side like the doctors had told her, her hand resting on her very pregnant belly. Creeping slowly into the room he reached over with his good hand and pulled the comforter up. Leaning over he gently brushed a strand of hair off her fore head and kissed her cheek. Quietly he left the room and walked down the hall to his room. A single tear rolled down his cheek._

Roy sat crouched in front of Johnny. He watched as a single tear made its way down Johnny's face. A face that looked way to young. He wanted to reach out and reassure his friend, but when he had reached for Johnny's left hand a few minutes earlier to check his pulse, Johnny had let out a wailing 'No, Strongbow, please don't' and pulled his hand in tighter to his body. So once again, using a voice he used when reassuring Chris or Jenny when they woke from a nightmare, he quietly spoke to Johnny. "Johnny, its Roy, everything is okay. I need you to come over and sit on the edge of the bed so I can check you over. Come on Junior, you can trust me, everything is going to be okay." Roy watched as Johnny slowly let out a shallow shuddering breath and shook his head as if to clear a memory.

"Johnny? You with me now?" Roy asked as he put his hand on Johnny's left wrist.

"Yeah. Man, what happened?" Johnny said as he took a few more slow breaths willing his pulse rate to slow down before Roy asked to check it.

"I was hoping you could tell me. I was talking with you about getting breakfast and I threw my shaving kit on the table over there and next thing I know your back is up against the wall and the look in your eyes are a million miles away," Roy replied, all the time taking Johnny's pulse and counting his respirations. Slightly elevated, but Johnny had done a good job at getting his system under control.

Johnny of course did not miss Roy's once over and let him know, "If your done checking me out, do you think you could give me a hand up?"

As Roy slowly helped Johnny to his feet, he asked again, "So, are you going to let me in on what is going on? When you where 'out of it', you yelled no and then mentioned Strongbow's name."

Johnny sat on the end of the bed and looked at his feet. It was several moments before he spoke. When he did, he didn't look at Roy who had sat on the bed next to him. "Life on the reservation was not very easy. There was never enough money, or jobs, or help of any kind. We were given the basics and expected to survive. I'm sure that nothing has changed in the 6 or 7 years since I left. It was a dirty rundown place then and I am sure it will be a dirty rundown place now. I guess the closer I get, the more nervous I am about you seeing how I grew up. It's not that pretty."

"Johnny, if I wanted a friend with a 'pretty' past then I would be hanging out with Brice." At that Johnny looked up with a slight smile on his face. It had the effect Roy had hoped it would so he continued on, "I don't know what your life was like growing up, I hope some day you will tell me. But I want you to know that what ever you do decide to tell me will stay between us. I wouldn't say anything to the guys at the station, the staff at Rampart, or even Joanne unless you wanted me to. I also want you to know that what ever you tell me will not change my being not only your partner, but also your friend." Roy paused to gather his resolve and continued on, "What does your stepfather have to do with all this?"

"Strongbow and I didn't get along very well. I guess he felt I needed a 'firm hand' when it came to my up bringing. And believe me he had a very firm hand." Johnny sighed and looked down at his feet, "I guess I deserved it. I was always screwing up."

Roy took a breath and made sure he did not look away when he spoke. "Johnny, I am sure that you may have been told growing up that you deserved the punishment you received because you did something wrong. I would be lying to you if I said that my dad never bent me over his knee and spanked me. But there is a difference between a spanking and a beating. A child does not deserve to be used as a punching bag because an adult doesn't know how to control themselves. It is not the kid's fault that they are being beat up, it is the fault of the adult for not controlling their anger and rage."

After several minutes Johnny looked briefly up at Roy and then back down to his feet. "Thanks, I'll try and remember that." Johnny sat for a few more minutes looking around the room before continuing on, "Why don't we finish cleaning up around here and then go get a hot breakfast before hitting the road?"

Roy stood up and offered Johnny his hand, "Sounds like a good idea partner."

Johnny took the offered hand and stood up. Walking over to the chair, he stepped into his old worn cowboy boots. They slid on like a well laid hose slides out of the hose bed, smooth and easy. Although they were nothing fancy, Johnny treasured them like they were worth a king's ransom. They had been Jacks boots. Jack had given them to him the morning they were getting ready to put him on the bus to L.A. He had walked into the small bedroom that had become Johnny's and dropped them on the floor next to him. _"I reckon you'll need a good sturdy pair of boots. Tain't nothin fancy, but they'll keep your feet warm and dry. I was gonna break them in this spring, but figured you could use them more n me. They might be a little big for you now, but you'll grow into them." _Johnny remembered looking down at the new boots and then over at Jack_, "Is that real Rattle Snake skin?" _Jack had nodded his head slightly_, "Yep, I caught the rattlers last summer and gave em to Dave down at the boot store. He put it all together for me. Some day when you come back to visit I'll show you how catch and kill rattlers. It's really not that hard, you just flip over a rock with a sturdy stick, if there's a rattler hiding under there then you reach in real quick before it gets oriented from being under that cool dark rock and grab its tail. As soon as you got a hold of that tail, then you swing it around your head a couple times real hard and fast so as the neck breaks and just in case the neck don't break, then you fling it as far as you can."_ Despite the number of years, the boots were still in good shape. It had taken Johnny a couple years to grow into them and since the weather was warmer in L.A., Johnny only wore them on special occasions. He figured going back to see Carol and visit Jack's grave was a special occasion. Looking up he saw Roy had finished dressing and was gathering the last of the things to put into the bags.

"You need any help putting the sling back on?" Roy asked pointing to the item on the bed.

Johnny had hoped to forget about the confining thing, "I was just going to leave it off for today."

Roy stood there with his hands on his hips. He knew that if he pushed Johnny then Johnny would push back just as strong. He had to get Johnny to agree on his own that he still needed the sling. An idea came to his mind, holding out the keys he said, "If your arm is feeling that much better that you don't need the sling, then you drive. But you have to come over here and take the keys from my hand, using your right hand."

Johnny looked sullenly at Roy's hand holding the keys. He knew there was no way he would be able to reach out and take those keys without a lot of pain radiating though his damaged shoulder. He also knew that he would never be able to shift the Rover. Walking over to the bed he picked up the offending item, "Fine, I'll put it on, but this is the last day."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.," Roy replied and headed to the door while Johnny finished putting on his sling. They walked over to the small mom and pop restaurant and were shortly eating a large breakfast of scrambled eggs, hot cakes, sausage, and biscuits. Over breakfast Roy asked Johnny if he planned to look up any of his family while they were up there. Johnny had put a large forkful of hot cakes in his mouth and shrugged his shoulders. Roy asked if there were any old friends he might want to look up and Johnny replied that he didn't have many friends on or off the reservation because noone's parents wanted them to play with a half breed. After one last round of coffee, Johnny went up to pay the bill while Roy loaded the Rover. Looking at the display behind the clerk, Johnny asked for a pack of cigarettes and a pack of gum, paid for them and shoved them into the sling. Johnny walked out of the restaurant and around to the back, out of sight of the hotel and Roy. Withdrawing the pack, he quickly opened it and tapped out a cigarette. Bending down to light it, he took several long pulls, and leaned back against the wall. From a group of trees on the far side of the parking lot a hawk took to flight letting out a skree. Johnny watched as the hawk slowly circled and then landed on the corner of the building. Johnny looked up into the eyes of the bird and could have sworn the bird was glaring back at him. Looking down at the half finished cigarette, he dropped it to the ground and stubbed it out then popped a piece of gum into his mouth. Walking around to the front he noticed Roy had finished loading the car and was just coming out of the office from returning the key. Johnny climbed into the passenger seat and Roy climbed into the driver's side.

"So you ready?" Roy asked as he started up the Rover.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Johnny replied.

Roy expertly maneuvered the Rover on to I – 15 heading north past the Great Salt Lake and toward Idaho. Neither noticed the hawk take to flight and head north.

Eastern Idaho between Utah and Montana was barren except for a few sprawling towns and cities. As they neared the boarder to Montana however the mountains rose up to greet them. They stopped in Butte to grab some lunch and then headed west on I -90 further up into the mountains. Roy had grown quiet, awed by the majesty of the scenery. Johnny had grown even quieter and although he was staring out the window Roy doubted he was admiring the scenery. It wasn't long before they turned off the Interstate and onto a smaller state highway. Twisting and turning further up into the mountains Roy came to the out skirts of Ft. Compass, the small town that bordered the reservation where Johnny grew up. Passing several large ranches and estates on the outskirts of the town, Roy followed the directions Johnny had given him. Finally Roy pulled up to a small ranch house on the other side of town. As Johnny slowly got out of the Rover, a small spry lady with long grey hair rushed out the front door.

"John Roderick Gage, is that you. My god you've grown. Look at you, you're not that scrawny little boy we put on that bus. Well don't just stand there, come give me a hug." The lady had a huge smile on her face and arms thrown open wide.

Johnny walked up to her and wrapped his left arm around her. Her head rested on his good shoulder as she gently hugged him back. Johnny laid his head on the top of hers as tears slowly made their way down his cheeks. "I'm sorry Carol, I would have been here. Nick never delivered the letter until a couple days ago. I'm so sorry."

"Sshh, sshh, sshh. Its okay Johnny. Jack knew you would have been here if you could," Carol said, running a soothing hand in small circles on Johnny's back. "Come, let's go inside and get some dinner and you can introduce me to your friend."

Carol put her hand behind Roy's back and guided him and Johnny toward the front door.

High up in the sky a hawk let off a long skree and headed for the near by mountains.

_Author's note: The story about how to catch a rattle snake was told to me by my mother, who use to go out with friends and catch them when she was a young girl. They would then sell the snakes for their skins. I have never tried this and would not recommend it to anyone._

_Song of Life_

Chapter 4

Carol was a gracious hostess. After being shown their rooms and freshening up, Roy and Johnny sat down to a large home cooked meal of hamburgers, home fries, and apple pie with ice cream. Carol had said that those were Johnny's favorites when he was staying with them and Roy informed her that they still were. When dinner was done Roy called Joanne to let her know they had safely arrived, and then they retired to the living room. They spent the evening talking about how Johnny and Roy met, their jobs, and Roy's family. Carol laughed at hearing that Jenny had 'adopted' Johnny as her 'uncle'. She had commented that Johnny had grown up taking care of his younger sisters so it was no wonder Jenny felt so comfortable with him. As the hour grew late, Roy excused himself and went to bed. Johnny and Carol continued their reunion.

"It sounds like you have a really good life there in L.A. Johnny. Roy seems like a wonderful partner and friend too." Carol said as she patted Johnny's knee.

"Yeah, I just hope I can keep him from finding out too much. Who would want to be friends with a good for nothing half breed piece of trash?" Johnny said with a sound of self pity.

Carol sat up straight and put her hands on her hips, "John Gage, Jack will be rolling over in his grave to hear you talkin like that. That is Charles Strongbow takin and Charles is nothin but a cruel and evil man. I won't have you sayin things like that about yourself. You are a wonderful, important person who is cared for and loved. You hear me?"

Johnny bowed his head and folded his hands in his lap, "Yes mam." He said quietly. "But how do I know that Roy won't turn away in disgust when he hears how I let Strongbow treat me all those years?"

"Johnny, you know you are not responsible for what Charles did to you. You were a young child and he was a man two or three times your size." Carol paused and put her hand on Johnny's shoulder, "Roy seems like a good man. I am sure he will see things the same way."

Johnny stood up and walked over to the mantel above the fire place. He stopped and stared at an old framed picture of a tall man with chiseled features; his arm draped around the shoulders of a skinny teenage boy. The man wore a huge smile that stretched from ear to ear. The boy, dressed in runner shorts and shirt, wore a first place medal around his neck and a shy crooked grin on his face.

"What would Jack tell me to do?" Johnny asked.

Carol rose and walked over to stand next to Johnny. She put her hand on the small of his back and looked up into his eyes, "He would tell you that you trust Roy with your life, you should also trust him with your past. He must care about you a great deal to put his life on hold and drive all the way up here with you."

"You think?" Johnny asked with a slight side glance.

"I know." Carol replied as she pulled him into a hug. "Now get ta bed. If I know you, you're planning to go hiking up to the lake tomorrow to say goodbye to Jack. You'll be needin your rest."

"Thanks Carol, see you in the morning." Johnny handed her the picture, returned the hug then turned to go to bed.

Carol paused and looked at the picture. "Be with him tomorrow Jack. He still needs your guidance." Slowly she put the picture back on the self and turned off the light. Outside a hawk let out a skree and took to flight from a nearby tree.

With no tones, no alarm clock, no wife, and no kids to disturb his sleep, Roy enjoyed a rare chance to just sleep in until he was good and ready to get up. He was sure Johnny, never one to sit idle to long, was already up. Stretching, he marveled at the quietness of the house. Slowly he got up, used the restroom, got dressed, and made his way to the kitchen. Carol was struggling to open the back door with a big basket of garden fresh vegetables in her arms.

"Here let me get that for you," Roy said as he opened the door and took the basket from her.

"Thanks, just put em on the counter over there and I'll wash em up later." Carol said, pointing to the counter by the sink.

Roy admired the array of fresh vegetables in the basket, "You must have a really nice garden."

"It provides what I need, and what I don't use right away or can for later, I give to the school on the reservation. For a lot of those kids the only decent meal they get is lunch at school, so there is a group of us that plant a little extra each year." Carol said as she started pulling our various pans and plates. "Now, how about some eggs and sausage and toast for breakfast?"

"Sounds great, what can I do to help?" Roy offered.

"Well, how about frying up that sausage while I get the eggs a goin." Carol handed Roy the skillet and sausage. "How you want your eggs cooked?"

Roy lit the gas stove and placed the sausage in the pan, "Scrambled will be fine."

Soon Roy was sitting down to a plateful of food. Carol had said that she had eaten earlier with Johnny. "So where is Johnny?" Roy asked when he had finished his meal.

"I reckon he's up by the lake. He use to go there every chance he got to escape. When he came to live with us he and Jack would spend hours up there fishin and talkin. That's where I buried Jack." Carol said as she walked to the window and looked out to the mountains.

Roy stood there and debated his next words, "Carol, did Johnny's step-father abuse him?"

Carol looked down and her hands clasped in front of her and then back out the window, "That's somethin your goina have to ask Johnny. It's his story to tell. I will tell you this, Johnny's worked hard to get where he is today. When we took him in 7 years ago I didn't think he'd make it to his 14th birthday."

Roy paused and thought about what Carol had just told him. If Johnny was only 13 when Carol and Jack took him in 7 years ago…. then that would mean he was only 20 years old and not 24 like his drivers license said. Roy decided not to ask Carol about the information she had let slip. Instead he asked if she could point him in the direction of the lake.

A short while later with a backpack packed with fresh baked bread and apples, and a thermos of water Roy headed into the tall evergreens and along the path Carol had described.

After about a 45 minute hike, Roy stood at the top of the trail and took a long slow breath. Even though the trail was not that difficult, the higher altitude definitely left him feeling winded. It was shortly after noon, and the sun was high over head. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he looked down to the clear blue lake below. Mountains jutted up from all sides making him feel as if the rest of the world no longer existed. A sole figure sat at the edge of the lake staring out across the calm waters. Carefully Roy made his way down the path and across the short expanse of grass to the edge of the water. Silently he sat down next to Johnny and stared out across the lake. The leaves of the trees whispered in the breeze, the blowing wind causing gentle waves to lap at the rocky shore.

"I brought a snack if you're hungry." Roy said as he sat the pack in front of him.

Quietly the two sat and shared the food. One lending quiet strength and support, the other quietly accepting it. From behind them, high up on the ledge of the mountain, the steely eyes of a red tailed hawk studied them. The hawk nodded its head once, spread its wings and took to flight. Lazily it circled the two silent figures by the lake, then letting forth with one long skree it flew off over the mountain.

Johnny's eyes followed the path of the magnificent bird. The corner of his mouth turned up into his characteristic crooked grin and he wiped a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. "Jack's spirit approves of you."

Roy watched the hawk disappear in the distance. He didn't know much about Native American Ideology and Religion, but he had heard that it was often believed that a person's spirit could take the shape of an animal. "The hawk was Jack's spirit?" Roy asked looking over at Johnny.

"I came out here to finally grieve for the loss of Jack in my life. I stood here at the edge of the water and cried with all my heart, grieving for all the future things that I would not be able to share with him and asking the spirits why he had to die. When I finally quieted down, I heard the skree, and then from out of nowhere this hawk appears and begins to circle over me. It settled on the ledge back there and for the first time in the past couple weeks I finally felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders and that I was safe. I knew the hawk was Jack, and he was watching out for me." Johnny explained.

"So, what does it mean now that the hawk has flown away?" Roy asked, trying to better understand.

"Jack's spirit left, because he knows that you will look out for me and be there for me. He knows that I can trust you." Johnny replied, finally looking Roy fully in the eyes.

"And do **you** know that you can trust me?" Roy asked, looking Johnny fully back in the eyes.

Johnny let out a slow breath and looked out across the lake. "Yeah, I do."

"Enough to tell me about a boy named Johnny and his step father?" Roy tentatively asked.

Johnny looked down at his hands and in a quiet voice told his story. And Roy quietly listened.

"You already know that my mom was Native American and my dad was not and that my mom moved away from the reservation and married my dad. I had also told you how when I was almost 2 years old my dad died and my mom had to move back to the reservation. It's the rest of the story from there that I haven't ever told anyone. When my mom got back to the reservation with a half breed kid in tow, she had a real hard time fitting in. Her folks thought it would be better for her if she married Charles Strongbow, the son of one of the tribal elders. Strongbow had a real violent temper and none of the other girls would have anything to do with him. I guess his parents were just as anxious to have him married off as mom's folks were to find someone to take care of her and me. Things were okay for the first year then mom got pregnant with my sister Amy. Health care on the rez wasn't very good and she had a difficult pregnancy. I remember I kept talking about my up coming 4th birthday and the party I was going to have. The day before my birthday, my mom went into premature labor and had to be admitted to the hospital. I was scared for my mom, but I was also upset because she wouldn't be able to bake a cake for my birthday. So on my birthday I decided I would bake my own cake. I guess I made a really big mess in the kitchen and when Strongbow came home that evening he got really mad. I don't remember all of what happened, but I remember him telling me that I was a good for nothing half breed and that my birthday should not be a day of celebration, it should be a day to curse. I guess I started to cry because he started to yell even louder that I was never going to grow up to be a real man if I cried. That's when he took his big hand and knocked me across the room. I remember him kicking me a couple times and then the next thing I knew I'm at the local clinic and he is telling them that I tripped and fell. I went home that night with a broken arm, three stitches on my cheek, and more bruises than I could count. I quickly learned that if I stayed quiet and didn't cause any trouble then Strongbow would just ignore me. Unfortunately being ignored also meant learning to fend for myself. If I wanted something to eat then I had to get it myself and if I didn't want to be punished then I had to make sure I didn't leave a mess. When I did, then I was locked in my room until someone came to let me out. Most of the time it was just overnight, every once in a while it would be a couple days."

"Did any one feed you during those times?" Roy asked quietly, looking side ways at Johnny. This might explain why Johnny ate like it was going to be his last meal.

"When mom wasn't busy with the babies, then every once in a while she would sneak a sandwich or a piece of fruit to me. But she really didn't want to anger Strongbow, and more often then not would abide by his wishes. He was not above hitting her or Amy or Anna. I tried to protect them as much as I could." Johnny said looking out over the lake.

Roy fumed inside. Johnny had been just a kid. It shouldn't have been his job to protect his mom and sisters by putting himself in danger instead. Roy wanted to shout and scream. He wanted the world to know how mad he was that someone he cared for had been treated so badly. But that was the very last thing that Johnny needed right now. So Roy drew in a quiet breath and focusing on Johnny's story he inquired, "You mentioned Amy was born after your 4th birthday, when was Anna born?"

"Anna was born the summer before I turned 7 years old. Again mom had a difficult pregnancy and Strongbow took his frustration out on me. If he was late coming home from work then I knew he had stopped at the bar on his way home. Those nights were the worst. He would lite into me as soon as he got home. Mom was restricted to bed rest so I would always make sure that Amy was fed and in bed before he would get home. Man I swear that guy would find any excuse to lite into me. More often then not he would just come home and tan my backside with his big leather belt." The corner of Johnny's mouth came up in a small smirk. "The teacher's were always impressed that I volunteered to do so many problems at the chalkboard. I'll tell you, it was a lot easier than sitting in those chairs. It's no wonder that I've never been good at sitting still to long. I guess in a way I should thank Strongbow for my doing so well in school. I never would have been able to graduate early if I hadn't been so attentive in school. School and the Mountains were my only means of 'escape'. When I wasn't in school, I spent as much time as I could outside. I know every corner of these mountains. Many times I wished I could just come up here and never go back. Just disappear and live off the land. I tried once, when I was 8 years old. I stayed out here for a week. First couple of days I was really regretting my decision. I had gone hungry before, but being out in the cold with no food or shelter was really a bummer. So anyways there I was, miserable, but not willing to go back when out of nowhere this old man dressed in the clothing of our ancestors comes up, sits down next to me, open's his pack and offers me some dried meat and berries. After my stomach settled down a little he stood up and started walking back into the forest. I quietly followed him and every once and a while he would stop and point out a bush or something and collect things in his bag. When we reached a small cave, he stopped and motioned me to follow him inside. Inside was a bed roll of skins and a small fire pit. I stayed with him for 5 days. He showed me how to find food, build shelter, and start a fire. He also started to teach me the ways of the ancestors. I was all set to stay there when one night he woke me up and told me that he had a vision and that I needed to return. I told him that I couldn't because my stepfather would try to kill me. He looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder and said that I was strong and brave and that I would survive, but that there were other's who where younger and weaker and would not. I knew then that I had to get back to protect Amy and Anna. He told me that whenever I came out to the woods, he would be there if I needed him. So I came down the mountain that night to find that Anna was in the hospital with a fractured skull. Strongbow had told everyone that she had fallen down the cellar steps. Later, Amy told me the truth. Strongbow had picked her up and thrown her against the wall because she wouldn't stop crying. Roy, she wasn't even one years old yet." Johnny stopped, drew in a shaky breath and looked down at his hands. "If I had been there I could have stopped her from crying. If I had been there then she wouldn't have had her head bashed in. If I had been there she wouldn't have suffered brain damage. If I…"

Roy cut in, "If you had been there, you would have been the one he took his anger out on. You would have been the one in the Hospital. You would have…"

"I would have survived." Johnny finished, "I always did."

"You see Roy, that's the thing, no matter what he did to me, I survived. Looking back, I don't know how, but I did. I always did. The abuse stopped for a couple months since the hospital and Social Services were real interested in our home life all of a sudden. I got a bunch of new clothes and shoes, a real bed, and toys. Man it was better than Christmas. My mom had a hard time convincing me though, that I was suppose to actually wear the shirts and pants and shoes. I was so use to running around in the summer time with only old cut off shorts on and in the winter a pair of buckskin pants and an old baggy sweater." Johnny chuckled and shook his head, "Ya know it's a good thing Chet's not here, he would never let me live down the image of me as a little savage Indian boy running around with no shirt or shoes and my hair tied back in long braids."

"You had long braids?" Roy jumped in with a smile on his face. "Now that is something I would have liked to seen."

"Come to think of it, I might have a picture back at Carols' place. She and Jack were able to get a few of my things when I moved in with them." Johnny said. It was at this point that his stomach decided to remind him that it was well past lunch and the snack they had shared earlier had worn off. "Speaking of Carol's place, we better head back and see if we can scare something up to eat"

"I'm with you there." Roy said as he stood up and offered his hand to Johnny.

Johnny reached up, took Roy's hand and stood up. With out letting go, Johnny looked deep into Roy's clear blue eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes on compassion, understanding, and strength. Eyes that Johnny knew he could trust with his very heart and soul. "Thanks partner." was all that he could say.

Roy in turn looked back into Johnny's dark brown eyes. Eyes that glistened with youthful exuberance on the surface. Eyes that were only starting to reveal their depths. Eyes that were filled with hope for the future. "Anytime Junior. Anytime." Roy simply replied.

After a filling lunch, Carol brought out a box of a few old photos, medals, and trophies. Johnny pulled out a picture of his mom and dad on what must have been their wedding day. They were both young and full of love. Johnny's mom was petite with long raven hair and strong Native American features. Johnny's father on the other hand was tall with short wavy dark hair. He smiled back at them with a familiar crooked grin. Carol pulled out a picture of Johnny as a chubby, happy baby and Roy remarked at the full head of dark unruly hair. There were a couple more pictures of Johnny as a happy, smiling toddler with his mom and his dad. The next picture was a remarked change. The small boy sitting on the couch sported a cast on his arm and although he was smiling at the baby in his mom's arms there was a trace of fear in his eyes. Johnny flipped through a stack of school pictures, each with progressively longer hair, and stopped at the sixth one, fifth grade. "This is when my hair was at it's longest; came to just below my waist line when braided." Johnny handed the picture to Roy, it told a story of a painfully skinny young boy, bruised face, sullen eyes, no smile, and long dark hair pulled into a single braid.

"You know Jenny would be envious if she saw how long your hair was in this picture." Roy smiled as he thought of his young daughter.

"I'm sure if she keeps letting it grow, then by the time she's 10 it will be even longer." Johnny said, smiling too.

Roy's smile grew mischievous, "You know, Chet would have a field day if he saw this picture."

"Well, he's not gonna," Johnny said as he snatched the picture back from Roy and stuck it back into the pile. In his haste the remaining pictures fell to the ground. As Roy helped pick them up he noted that in all the rest of the pictures Johnny's hair was cut to a length just above his shoulders. "Why the change of hair styles?" Roy asked as he handed the pictures back to Johnny.

Johnny took the pictures and jammed them back in with the others, "Strongbow cut it the day my mom miscarried. It was her fourth pregnancy. The doctors had warned her not to have another child, but Strongbow wanted a son to carry on his name. In her third trimester my mom's placenta erupted. By the time she received help, the baby had died. It was a boy. Strongbow went ballistic. He of course blamed me for it. When he came home from the hospital that night he dragged me out of bed. He said that if his son wasn't allowed to live, then neither was I. He beat the hell out of me that night then locked me down in the cellar. I was down there a week before the school finally sent someone around to see why I wasn't in school. I heard Strongbow tell the school councilor that I had taken the death of my baby brother hard and that they were allowing me time to grieve. That night when Strongbow opened the door to the cellar I think he was surprised to see me still alive." Johnny paused, half a grin coming to his face. "I think I spoiled his plans. He didn't know that I had been hiding food and water down there for just such occasions. I usually kept enough food down there for five days although he usually only locked me down there for the weekends. By the fourth day I figured I better ration the rest of the food. I was use to going hungry so it wasn't too bad. At any rate, he came down the steps with his large hunting knife in his hand. I thought for sure he was going to kill me right then and there. Instead he grabbed me by the hair and told me that I was a disgrace and an abomination and that I had no right to ware my hair long. He grabbed my braid and sliced it off. He told me that I was never to let my hair grow long again."

"I guess that's why you hate it so much when Cap tells you to get a haircut." Roy remarked off handedly.

Johnny burst out laughing. "You know, you may be right. You think I could get Cap to cut me some slack?"

"Only if you can get the county to change the regulations," Roy said smiling back at him.

"Maybe I'll just do that." Johnny replied with a big half grin.

Carol spoke up at this time as she handed Johnny a manila envelope, "Johnny, Jack was saving this to give it to you on your 21st birthday. I'm not really sure what it is, but he said it was something every man should have."

Johnny got a puzzled look on his face and opened the envelope. He pulled out several pieces of paper and started leafing through them. There were several legal looking papers and a map. Johnny handed them to Roy, "What do you make of them?"

Roy looked over the papers. "Well, if I am reading this right, Jack owned a stretch of land in the hills just north of L.A.. It looks like he owned the land out right, no liens on it. It says there are two structures on the property, a house and a barn. This last piece of paper is a letter from a lawyer stating that the property and all its belongings are to be turned over to John Roderick Gage upon his 21st birthday."

Johnny's eyes had gotten real big and his jaw had dropped open. "You mean to tell me that I own a house, a barn, and a bunch of land? You've got to be kidding me. Give me that." Johnny said as he snatched the papers back from Roy and shuffled through them.

Roy weighed his next words carefully. "It sure is going to be hard waiting a month and a half until you turn 21 in order to take possession."

Carol shrugged her shoulders, "I had thought about waiting and sending it to you in August, but since you were already here I went ahead and gave it to you."

Johnny stared down at the papers, "Don't worry, we'll be getting into brush fire season soon, so I wouldn't be able to do anything with it until after my birthday anyway." Johnny paused and suddenly realized the implications of the conversation. "What do you mean waiting a month and a half until I turn 21? We celebrated my 23rd birthday soon after we met. Remember, Dixie had that party. Doc Early was there playing the piano and Dr. Brackett showed up and damn near ruined everything."

Roy reached over and took the picture of Johnny with long hair when he was 10 years old and flipped it over. On the back read, 'John Gage, age 10 years, 1961'. "If my calculations are correct based on this picture and other ones I've seen and what Carol has said, you turned 20 last year. Which means that when we were celebrating your '23rd' birthday, we were really celebrating your …" Roy paused and thought for a second, " … 19th?! Birthday. You were only 18 when we met and you went through the paramedic program. Damn, Johnny, how old were you when you went into the Fire Academy?"

Johnny looked pleadingly at Roy, "Man, you can't tell anyone. If you do, they'd fire me quicker than Chet can set up a water trap. If you must know, it was August 1967 and I had just turned 16. My drivers license said I was 20."

Roy leaned back and let out a breath. There was silence for several minutes. Finally Roy spoke again, "How did you manage to fool everyone?"

"Carol and Jack helped me study and graduate early, and the school was very accommodating on that matter. They figured that as long as I met the state requirements, then they didn't mind how old I was. It was one less kid they had to worry about. So at any rate, Carol and Jack had thought it would be better if I got out of the area since they didn't know if Strongbow would come looking for me someday. Carol's brother lived in L.A. and said that I could come live with him. It was decided that since I would be 'living on my own' it would be better if I was 18 years old. Since my mom gave birth to me at home, the nurse midwife that assisted her never filed a birth certificate. It didn't take much for Carol to 'pretend to be my mom' and request a birth certificate for her son that was born in 1947, making me 4 years older." Johnny spread his hands as if to say 'what more can I say'. "That's the whole story."

Carol had put her hand around Johnny's shoulder. She gave him a gentle squeeze. Roy sat forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. He looked up at Johnny, "You don't have to worry, I won't say anything. You're a good paramedic Johnny; I wouldn't want to loose you as a partner."

"Thanks man," Johnny said with a look of relief and gratitude on his face. "By the way, I won't mind if you tell Joanne. I know you don't like to keep things from her."

"Thanks," Roy agreed, "This would have been a hard thing to keep from her, but I would have if you wanted me to."

Carol patted Johnny on the knee, "I'm glad you have someone like Roy you can trust. It will be good to put some of these ghosts to rest."

"Speaking of putting ghosts to rest, I need to find out how Amy and Anna are doing … and I want to visit the old place." Johnny said resolutely.

Carol shook her head, "Amy was taken in by the Two Ponies shortly after Anna died. Charles lives at the old place by himself. I don't recommend going there. Charles would kill you. He blames you for everything."

Johnny's put his head in his hands, "Why did Anna die?"

"It wasn't anyone's fault Johnny. Anna had a lot of medical problems because of that 'accident' she had when she was a baby. No one expected her to live as long as she did. And before you ask, Charles never did hurt those girls the way he hurt you. Sure, he'd hit them every now and then, but for the most part he just ignored them. When Anna died, Charles disappeared for a month. When Olivia Two Ponies found out, she and her husband took Amy in. They're good folk. Their son Ray, who was in the same class as you, is a Sheriff now."

Johnny stared at a picture he had pulled out of the box. It showed a young boy and two small girls. All with long raven hair. "I got to see her. And I got to go back to that house."

Carol stood up, "I'll call the Two Ponies. I still don't recommend going back to that house, but we'll see what we can do."

_Song of Life_

Chapter 5

Carol called and talked with Olivia Two Ponies. It was decided that tomorrow Amy would come over to Carol's place after lunch. When she hung up the phone, she could see how nervous Johnny was by the path he was wearing in her rug as he paced the floor. To help distract him she suggested that Johnny give Roy a proper tour of the farm. They walked out the back door and onto the patio. Before them lay a wide expanse of grass and beyond that a small pond, a garden large enough to fill more than half of Roy's back yard, and a stand of pine trees.

"Wow, is this all theirs?" Roy asked as he admired the view.

"Yep, plus there's the barn behind the pine trees over there and a pasture." Johnny said, gesturing to the right. "The spring before I came to L.A., after the snow melted, I helped Jack lay the stones for the patio. We also widened the pond for better fire protection. You want to see the barn?"

"Sure, lead away." Roy said sounding amazed.

Johnny walked toward the large pine trees that were two rows deep and about 16 wide, a small path led through them about mid point. As they came through the other side, a two story barn with a fair sized pasture behind it, greeted them. Two horses leisurely grazed in the pasture.

"Wow," was all that Roy could say as he stood there with his hands on his hips admiring the view.

"Yeah, during the school breaks, Jack would let me help him around the farm. That's were I learned to ride horses. Suzy is the white and black pinto and Cole is the black stallion." As they walked up to the fence the two horses trotted over. Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out two carrots and handed one to Roy. "You can give that one to Suzy, she's less likely to bite."

Roy looked at the carrot and then at the horse. "Remember, just the carrot. I'm kind of attached to the fingers and would appreciate keeping them," he said as he slowly extended the carrot to the horse. Gently the small horse took the offered carrot and munched it contentedly. Roy slowly stroked the velvet soft nose. Johnny had given his carrot to the black horse and was now hugging the big animal around the neck with his good arm.

"Before we head back to L.A. maybe you and I can take these two out for a ride." Johnny said looking over to Roy. Roy just favored him with a 'yeah, right' look and headed back to the house followed by Johnny. "Aw, come on Roy, you'll love it. You can ride Suzy, she's so gentle even Jenny could ride her. Roy, Roy, are you listening to me? Come on Roy, it'll be great. I promise."

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Carol and Roy worked hard to keep Johnny distracted for the rest of the evening. Roy talked Johnny into helping make Carol dinner, and after they played cards until bed time. Johnny's night was fitful as he tossed and turned trying to keep quiet some of the ghosts he would be facing the next day.

Morning came and Johnny was a bundle of nervous energy. He helped Carol with the garden, fed the horses and brushed them out. By the time lunch rolled around he had worked up a good sweat and Roy informed him that he smelled like he had spent two whole days at a brush fire. After taking a long hot shower Johnny joined Carol and Roy for lunch feeling a little more relaxed. As they were cleaning up the door bell rang and Carol went to answer it. Johnny turned and placed a shaking hand on the counter. "What if she hates me for leaving? What if she can't forgive me?" Johnny asked looking at Roy with fear and hurt in his eyes.

"Johnny, it's okay. I'm sure she understands why you had to leave." Roy said placing his hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"What if she doesn't want anything to do with me? She's the only family I have left."

"Johnny, it's going to be okay. Besides I know a little girl back in L.A. that already thinks of you as part of her family and I know her parents feel the same way too. Now let's go out there and meet this little sister of yours." Roy said as he steered Johnny toward the front room.

As they walked through the doorway, they saw Carol with her arm around a young woman with long raven hair that hung to her waist. Her dark eyes slowly looked up from where they were studying the floor. Dark eyes met dark eyes, eyes that shared a strong family resemblance, eyes that spoke volumes of a shared history. Before words could be spoken the young woman ran to Johnny, encircled her arms around him and buried her head in his chest. A huge smile graced her face as words came tumbling out, "Johnny, I can't believe it. I prayed to the ancestors that you were well and that some day we would be together again. I missed you so much. You've grown so much. What's L.A. like? How long are you staying? There's so much I want to tell you, but I don't know where to start."

"Whoa, slow down. I plan on staying around for a couple days so we have plenty of time to talk," Johnny said as he lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. A huge smile broke out across his face, "When did you become such a big talker? And when did you grow up into such a pretty young lady?"

"You're just saying that because you're my brother." Amy smiled shyly.

"No, honest. If you came to L.A. with me you'd have a dozen guys all asking me if they could get a date with you." Johnny paused, "Actually, maybe it would be better if you didn't come to L.A., I don't know if I would want you hanging out with any of those guys."

Amy stepped back and looked up at Johnny, "I actually already have a steady boyfriend, and as soon as I graduate from High School we plan to get married."

"Married? Aren't you too young to get married?" Johnny asked with his hands on his hips. "Who is this guy anyway?"

Carol stepped up and put her arm around Amy, "It's okay Johnny, its Ray Two Ponies and he is the one who insisted that they wait until Amy is 18 and graduated High School. He has even been working on helping her get a scholarship to Montana State University and he has a standing job offer with the sheriff's department there."

Johnny crossed his arms and tried to look stern, "I'm sorry Amy I just can't allow my little sister to get married…"

Three voices chimed in together, two female voices and one male voice, "Johnny…"

Johnny looked at Roy and Carol and Amy and then broke into one of his lopsided grins, "Unless I can give the bride away." Johnny said as he hugged Amy as tight as his injured arm allowed.

"Oh Johnny, would you? Nothing would make me happier. I can't wait for you to meet Ray. I know you'll like him." Amy said with tears in her eyes.

"Speaking of Ray," Carol broke into the conversation, "Maybe it would be a good idea if Ray went with you if you're still insistent about going over to that house"

"No, that's something I need to do on my own." Johnny said resolutely.

"I want to go with you," Amy chimed in.

"No, absolutely not. It may be too dangerous. I won't risk you being there if your dad shows up." Johnny said with his arms crossed.

"Johnny did you ever stop to think that I may need to go there with you to put my own ghosts to rest. Besides, I still have a key," Amy said as she reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out an old silver key.

"Okay, but if there is any sign of trouble I want you to get out of there understood," Johnny acquiesced.

"I'm going too," Roy added stepping into the conversation.

Johnny shook his head, "Roy, I can't ask you…"

"You're not asking Johnny, I'm telling you, I'm going. You need someone to cover your back. That's what partners…that's what friends are for," Roy said with his hands on his hips giving Johnny that look that said there was no room for argument.

Amy spoke up, "It's about 2:00 p.m. now, he shouldn't return home until after 5:00 p.m. We should be safe if we left now."

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Amy pulled the 1960 Ford Fairlane up in front of a rundown drab brown ranch house. Much of the grass was choked out by weeds and the overgrown bushes partially hid front windows that looked like they had not been washed in several years. Johnny climbed out of the front passenger seat and stood staring at the house. Despite the warmth of the day, a chill ran down his back and he noticeably shivered. Roy had climbed out from the back seat and stood next to Johnny, "When ever I came home from school, I use to stand here and close my eyes and pray that when I opened them my mom would be standing in the door with her arms out stretched and she would tell me that Strongbow had gotten hurt at work and was not coming back. I would open my eyes and know that nothing had changed and that when I walked through that door my life would be a continuing living hell, filled with pain and humiliation."

"You don't have to go in there if you don't want to. You have a new life now. This old one can't hurt you anymore." Roy said as he put a hand on Johnny shoulder.

"You're wrong Roy," Johnny shook his head, "Unless I can face my past, then I'll be living a lie. Don't you see, unless I go in there, I won't be able to fully heal."

"Well then, let's go." Roy said stepping forward.

Johnny caught his arm, "Roy, I don't know what it's going to be like in there. I don't know how I'm going to react. If you go in there with me you may find out things that could destroy our friendship. I couldn't take that."

Roy turned and looked Johnny in the eyes, "Whatever happened in there is not your fault. Someone did bad thing **to you** in there. Yes, I may not like what I hear, it may even make me mad, but it **will not** destroy our friendship."

"Thanks Roy. Amy? Are you up to this?" Johnny put his arm around her shoulder.

"Ready if you are." Amy said as she pulled out the key and walked toward the front door. Slowly she turned the key in the lock and started to open the door.

Johnny stepped up and moved Amy to the side, "Let me go in first and make sure it's safe." Slowly he pushed open the door and called inside, "Anyone home?" The only thing that greeted him was the stale smell of alcohol and cigarettes. Slowly he walked into the front room. Nothing had changed. Everything was older and dirtier, but nothing else changed. The same brown sofa sat against one wall, a dilapidated overstuffed arm chair adjacent to it with a coffee table in the middle. Across from the over stuffed chair sat the only new piece of furniture, a 26 inch console TV. News papers, magazines, empty beer cans, and dirty dishes were strewn about the place. Johnny walked further into the room. Roy and Amy slowly followed.

"Can't say much for the house keeping." Roy said as he stepped over a pile of clothes.

Johnny shook his head, "I guess since he doesn't have Amy or me around to clean up after him this is the result. I'm not surprised." Johnny made his way into the room and turned down a hall off the back left hand corner. Amy and Roy followed. Amy provided commentary to Roy along the way.

"I remember sitting in the front room with Anna watching TV or playing while Johnny fixed us our meals. When ever my dad wasn't home I'd help out as much as possible, but we never knew when he would come home so Johnny didn't let me help too much because he didn't want me getting in trouble. Johnny wasn't allowed in the front room with us. If he wasn't at school, outside or doing something to keep the house running, then he was probably being punished down in the cellar or trying to avoid punishment by hiding in his room. The first room to the left was mom and dad's, across the hall the bathroom, at the end of the hall on the right was Anna and my room, and across from that was Johnny's."

Johnny stopped and stared into the room that had been his mom and Stronbow's. The delicate floral print comforter that his mom had so loved was replaced by a simple brown blanket. The room wasn't as messy as the front room, but clothes lay in piles all over the place and an ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts sat on a night stand next to the bed. Johnny strode into the room and over to the night stand. Opening the drawer he reached all the way to the back and pulled out a small ring box. Slowly opening it up he pulled out a small silver band. "This was the wedding band my dad gave my mom. I didn't think Strongbow would still have it. He always kept threatening my mom that he would throw it away if she went against his wishes." Putting the ring in his jeans pocket, he put the box back in the drawer. His hand hesitated a moment and he grabbed the pack of cigarettes and shoved them in his front shirt pocket before closing the drawer. Turning he strode back out of the door.

As Johnny passed him, Roy put his hand on his arm, stopping him, "Johnny, the cigarettes, are you sure?"

Johnny's face was a mask of pain, sadness, and shame as he looked down at his shoes, "Roy, please, don't. This is hard enough as it is." Pushing past, Johnny walked further down the hall. Amy had gone ahead and was in the room she had shared with Anna. The twin beds were still covered with the light pink comforters. Anna's bed still had her three dolls neatly lined up on the pillow. A small night stand stood between the two beds. A Mother Goose nursery story light sat on the top of the night stand. The room was sparse, but gaily decorated. Except for a layer of dust the room was spotless. Amy sat on the bed that use to be hers. She held a little music box with a figure of a teddy bear on it.

Amy looked up when Johnny stopped in her door way, "When ever dad started yelling at you Anna would run back here and turn the music on. She would listen to it and rock back and forth until the yelling stopped. I always envied her that she could 'escape' it all." Amy looked up at Johnny, tears running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry Johnny, I tried, but I couldn't stop him. I tried."

Johnny came in and sat next to her, pulling her in tight to him. "It's okay Amy, shhh, it's okay. There were times when you did stop him. When he wasn't completely out of control you were always able to distract him and divert his attention to helping you or Anna."

"I should have done something more, I should have told someone." Amy said between sobs.

Johnny shook his head, "Believe me Amy, people knew what was going on. How could they not. Don't you think the folks down at the clinic, or the teachers, or our neighbors knew what was going on? Don't blame yourself. I don't blame you. Now why don't we go get you a drink of water?" They stood up and walked toward the door. Roy who had been quietly standing in the doorway moved out of the way. Johnny stopped and looked at the door across the hall. The door that led to the room that use to be his. "Amy, why don't you go ahead and see if there's a clean glass in the kitchen and I'll be there in a second."

As Amy turned to head back down the hall to the kitchen, Johnny reached out and put his hand on the doorknob in front of him. Slowly he opened the door. Inside laid a simple mattress on the floor with a grey wool blanket. A bare light bulb hung from the center of the room. The walls were a dingy grey that may have once been a light blue. Boards were nailed over the only window. Johnny stood in the door for a moment. "It doesn't look like he's even been in here. It looks exactly like it always did. Hmm, I wonder?" Johnny walked over to the mattress and scooted it to the side. Crouching down he pried up a small board in the floor and reached into the small hole. Slowly he pulled out a small box and sat down on the mattress. Roy walked over and sat down next to him. "This was my secret treasure chest," Johnny said as he slowly opened the lid. Inside was an arrowhead, a feather, a worn picture of Johnny's mom and dad, and a small matchbox fire truck. "The arrowhead, another boy at school gave to me. We were 'friends' at school for a couple months but I wasn't allowed to go over to anyone's house and I couldn't invite him over here so that did not last very long. The feather is a hawk feather and was given to me by the old man on the mountain. He said it would hold special magic for me someday. I guess I know what he meant by that now. The fire truck was something very special. When I was 5 I didn't have any toys. Strongbow said that toys were for kids that didn't have anything else to do and that if he ever caught me with nothing to do then he would find something. He was very good at finding things for me to do. Well, anyways, one day when I was in town with mom grocery shopping, I helped this little old lady out to her car with her groceries. She gave me a quarter and told me to go buy myself something. I walked back into the store and went straight to the toy section. I had no idea what to buy when this little boy and his mom walked by and I heard him ask his mom if they could get one of these little cars because they only cost 25 cents. I looked at all the cars and there was this little fire truck and I just fell in love with it. I didn't really know what a fire truck did, but I just loved the way it looked. I took it to my mom and asked her if I could buy it with the quarter the lady had given me. She warned me to make sure Strongbow didn't see it or he would throw it away. I hid it in my room and only got it out when he locked me in here." Johnny closed the lid and stood up. "We better go check on Amy. God knows what shape the kitchen is in."

They walked back down the hall to the main room and turned left through an open arch and into the kitchen. Surprisingly the kitchen was relatively clean. Only a few dishes sat in the sink. On the kitchen table was another ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts and Amy's glass of water. Amy stood with her hand on a small door on the far side of the kitchen next to the refrigerator. Her head was bowed and her back was to them as they entered. Johnny placed the box on the table and walked over to where Amy stood. He put his arms around her and turned her around. A small lost voice met Johnny, "I wanted to go down there and help you when he was gone, but he told us that demons down there hurt little kids who didn't follow directions. He always brought you back up all bruised and broken and bloody. I didn't want the demons to get me and do that to me." Amy looked up with tear streaked cheeks, grief painfully etched in her dark brown eyes. "There weren't any demons were there? It was him. He did that to you."

"There was a demon Amy. Its name was Charles Strongbow and he would have hurt you too if you disobeyed him. You were right not to go down there." Johnny said as he held her close, "But that demon can't hurt us anymore. I have to go down there to prove that to myself. You guys may want to stay up here. I don't know what to expect down there."

Roy spoke up, "Johnny, every time we enter a burning building, we stand together to face those demons. The demons you are facing now are no less real and I am here to face them with you. I have your back partner."

Johnny reached out and clasped Roy's forearm, "Thanks partner."

Amy looked back down at the floor, "I can't do it. I tried, but I can't."

"It's okay honey, it's probably better that you don't come down." Johnny reached over and picked up the little box he had recovered from his room and handed it to Amy. "Could you hold onto this for me?"

Amy took the box and nodded. Johnny looked at Roy and without words the two communicated their readiness and turned toward the door. Johnny only hesitated a moment as he turned the knob and opened the door. Despite the warmth of the day a cool musty earthen air greeted them. A steep set of concrete steps disappeared in the darkness. Johnny let out a shuddering breath he had been holding as he reached for the light switch. A harsh light emanated from a bare bulb in the middle of the ceiling. Johnny flinched and began his narration, "Strongbow would push me down these steps while the light was still off. I guess that was his way of justifying the stories to the clinic that I 'tripped'. The first several times I wound up with a broken arm or leg or a concussion. After a while I learned to catch myself and break my fall so I only wound up with some bruises or a sprain. If he left the light off then I knew he would just leave me alone down there. At first I hated the darkness, but then I soon learned that if the light came on and he was still mad it only meant more pain."

Slowly in step they descended the stairs. The narrow staircase opened into a small room approximately 10 foot by 10 foot. The walls and floor were earthen. A massive support beam stood in the middle. A thick chain was attached at the base of the beam. On the other end of the chain a padlock was hooked though one link. Johnny crouched down next to it and tentatively ran a hand over the chain. His voice came out just a little above a whisper. "At first he would just leave me down here in the dark. I was only 4 years old and when ever I got "underfoot" he put me down here. At first it was only for a couple hours when he wanted to make sure I stayed out of sight. I was scared to move. By the time I was 6 he was leaving me down here for the whole day. By that time I had gotten use to the dark and even welcomed it. I knew every inch of this place. He didn't allow me to bring anything down with me but if I was going to be down here for a while he would throw down a pail incase I had to relieve myself. By the time I was eight I had learned how to hide food and a blanket down here as he had taken to leaving me down here for the weekend. As long as the light was off I was okay. It was only when the light stayed on that I knew I was in trouble. He wouldn't beat me in front of mom or the girls. Sure he would hit me or smack me in front of them, but he saved the real beatings for when they weren't around. I remember the first time he took his big black leather belt to may backside I screamed and cried like the world was coming to an end. I could hear my mom yelling for him to stop. The next time he beat me he taped my mouth shut and told me that if mom heard me the punishment would be doubled. Usually he would just take the belt to me until my backside was red and blistered. When I was 10 and my mom miscarried, things got worse. She disappeared into a world of drugs and Strongbow found every chance he could to cause me pain. One day he caught Amy sneaking food under the door. That's when he put this down here." Johnny gestured to the chain in front of him.

"After beating me he would wrap the chain around my neck and padlock it. I couldn't go more than 3 feet on my hands and knees in any direction. He told me that I was no better than a stray dog and that I should be put out of my misery. He told me that no one cared for me and no one would even notice if he just left me down here to die. He tried. I told you about the first time when I was 10 after my mom miscarried. The other time he tried he damn near succeeded. I told you that when I was 13 my mom O.. Strongbow stayed sober for a month playing the dutifully morning husband. Then one night he came home drunk and in a rage. He grabbed me and hauled me down here. I knew something was different. Usually he would have me take off my top, drop my pants down to my ankles and hug the post so that he could get the most effect with the belt. Then he would put the chain on me and leave until he calmed down. But that night after I "assumed the position" he grabbed me and threw me down on the ground. He locked the chain around my neck, then while I was lying on my stomach he tied my hands around the post and taped my mouth shut. I started praying that he wouldn't kill me. Then he undid his pants … and I started to pray that he would kill me. When he was done he told me that I was better than my mom and that maybe I was good for something after all. He took the tape off my mouth, untied my hands and left me there promising that he would be back. I wanted to die. I prayed that when he came back he would find me dead." Johnny sat hugging his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. Sitting down next to him, Roy reached out and put his hand on Johnny's shoulder, letting him know that he was safe. Johnny looked at Roy, "When he came back later that night for the first time in my life I fought back. But he was stronger and I was still chained. He kicked me over and over again. He busted several ribs, caused internal bleeding, broke my leg, my arm, and my jaw. He left me there. I would have died if it weren't for Jack and Carol. When I didn't show up for practice the next day, Jack came looking for me. He found me down here broken and bleeding. They called an ambulance and took me to the hospital. I was there for about a month. Strongbow never asked about me and Jack never said anything. When I was released from the hospital Jack and Carol took me to their house where I lived until I moved to L.A."

Johnny looked over at the chain with disgust, his whole body shaking. "Why? Why did he do it Roy? Why did I let him do that to me? What did I do to make him hate me so much?"

"Slow down Johnny," Roy said taking hold of both of Johnny's shoulders. "First off this is not, I repeat, not your fault. You did not let him do anything. He took advantage of a defenseless boy, a boy that he had terrorized for almost 10 years. The fact that you survived and have built a good life for yourself is a testament to how strong you really are. As to why he felt he had to treat you the way he did. Maybe it was the way he was raised, maybe he was just insane? I don't know. I just don't know. I can tell you this, what ever the reason; it doesn't excuse what he did."

Johnny sat there for several minutes. When he finally spoke it was in a quiet weary voice, "Thanks." He sat there for a couple more minutes. "Man, I need a cigarette. Don't say anything, I know it's not good for me, but I really need one right now." He said as he pulled out the pack he had taken from the nightstand drawer. He pulled one out and lit it taking a long pull on it and then slowly letting out the smoke. Standing up he turned toward the steps. "We better get back upstairs and check on Amy." He took a couple steps and turned back to Roy, "Roy, Amy doesn't know what happened down here."

Roy held up his hand, "Johnny, don't worry, I won't say anything."

When they reached the top of the stairs they found Amy sitting looking through a picture album she had found under Anna's bed. "Anna would look through this every night and say everyone's names. She use to call me Aim and you John John." Roy and Johnny stood behind her, leaning over to see the pictures. Johnny took one more puff on his cigarette and laid it on the edge of the ashtray. The three of them laughed at some of the candid pictures Johnny and Amy's mom had taken. They were so caught up in the album that they never heard the front door open. Standing with their backs to the archway leading to the front room they did not notice the tall slightly overweight man with a big black leather belt until he spoke.

"What the hell is going on in my kitchen?" Charles Strongbow thundered.

Jumping to her feet Amy cowered in Johnny's arms. Johnny grabbed the photo album and the little box he had recovered from his room and shoved them and Amy at Roy, "Roy, take Amy and get out of here."

"Johnny, I'm not going to leave you…" Roy started.

"Roy, get Amy out of here. You have to protector her. Make sure she's safe. Please." Johnny pushed Roy and Amy toward the back door, never taking his eyes off Strongbow.

As Roy hustled Amy out of the house he thought her heard Strongbow hiss "YOU! So you came back for more. This time when I am done with you I'll make sure you're dead."

_Song of Life_

Chapter 6

Sheriff's Deputy Ray Two Ponies arrived at the address, an address he was all too familiar with, and walked over to Joe Eagle Heart who was with the tribal police. "What do we have Joe?"

"It's Charles, Amy called and said he was going berserk trying to kill a couple guys," Joe noted the look of panic in Ray's eyes and quickly added, "Don't worry, Amy is fine. She called from the neighbor's."

"Damn it! I told her to stay away from her dad. What would have possessed her to come back here? Have you checked out the house yet?" Ray asked looking over at the quiet house.

"No, I was just going to go up and knock on the front door when you arrived. I have to admit I'm glad you're here. I wasn't looking forward to handling an irate Charles Strongbow alone." Joe replied

"Well, let's see what we have." Ray said, motioning to the house. He walked up to the front door and knocked. "Charles Strongbow, this is Deputy Two Ponies and Officer Eagle Heart. We've had a complaint." There was no answer. "Charles! Open up!" Ray turned the handle to the front door and slowly opened it. "Any one home? Joe, take the kitchen and dining room, I'll head down the hall to the bedrooms."

Ray reached the first bedroom when he heard Joe call out from the kitchen. "Ray, I got two in here! I'm calling for an ambulance!" Ray jogged into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. A young man with short dark hair and thin build was leaning over a slightly older man with sandy blond hair. The dark haired man was bleeding from a small laceration on the back of his head. His breathing seemed slightly labored and he was protectively holding his right arm across his ribs. It was the other man on floor that worried Ray the most. He had a deep laceration on his upper left arm and the knife that had caused it was sticking out from his rib cage under his right arm.

_When the singer sang your song of adulthood_

_I cried of Sorrow, for all you had seen was the horror of life._

The dark haired man looked up at Ray with a face that held weariness, fear, and concern. His voice however only conveyed determination. "I need a clean compress to stop the bleeding on his arm and some bandage rolls and tape to stabilize the knife in his side. If it is still there, there is a small first aid kit in the hall linen closet on the middle shelf. Bring me a couple of the washcloths and hand towels too." The dark haired man leaned back over the other man and brushed his hair off his forehead, "Come on Roy, hang in there. Help is on the way. I'll take care of you, but you got to stay with me, understand?"

"'Kay, Junior. Better make it quick. Startin' to get cold. Havin' little trouble breathin' too." The man named Roy replied, his eyes lazily opening and closing. Slowly he turned his head to face the other man, "Hey Johnny, ..this …what …like .. you growing up?"

"Yeah Pally, something like it." The man named Johnny replied as he took the first aid kit Ray handed him.

"Sorry.." Roy mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open.

"What are you sorry for?" Johnny replied as he handed the hand towel to Ray and directed him to apply pressure to the laceration on the arm.

"You had to… go through… alone. John… really could use an IV." Roy said, looking up at Johnny.

"I know partner, unfortunately they don't have a paramedic program out here. So it's going to be like the old days, we're going to package you up and high tail it to the hospital." Johnny tossed a roll of gauze to the Deputy named Ray and instructed him to secure the towel to Roy's arm and then to help him stabilize the knife. Ray watched as Johnny, using only his left hand because his right arm was still protectively cradled around his ribs, gently cut the shirt from around the knife wound and then place two rolled washcloths on either side of the knife. He then directed Ray to tear off several strips of tape and secure the washcloths around the knife and to the chest. At that moment Joe came in and advised them that the ambulance had arrived. Roy was gently picked up and transferred to the cot. Johnny slowly got to his feet, swayed a little and would have fallen if Ray had not steadied him.

"You okay?" Ray asked as he helped Johnny out to the ambulance.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing I haven't been through before," Johnny replied in a flat toned voice. "Just get my partner to the hospital. His wife and kids need him." Then quietly in a voice barely above a whisper, "I need him."

Ray stopped him before he climbed into the back of the ambulance. "I have to ask, who did this to you two?"

Johnny looked at Ray and with a voice that could cut steel simply stated, "Charles Strongbow. He ran out the back when he heard the sirens." And with that he climbed into the back of the ambulance and placed his hand on Roy's shoulder as the back door closed behind him.

Joe looked at the retreating ambulance, "Who were those guys?

"I'm not certain who the white guy is, but I think the other guy is Amy's half brother Johnny Gage. He disappeared about 7 years ago. He was in the same grade as me. He never really had any friends, kind of kept to himself. From what little Amy has told me he really had it rough growing up. Charles really hated the idea of having a half breed kid and I guess he took out his notorious rage on the kid. I'm surprised he made it to adulthood. When he disappeared, I had always thought Charles had killed him and that it was swept under the rug like Anna's death was." Ray told Joe as they headed over to the neighbors house to check on Amy.

They knocked on the door and Mr. Long Feather answered letting them in. "Ray, Joe, thanks for getting here so quick. Amy is in the back bedroom. She was so afraid that Charles would come looking for her."

"Thanks, I'll go check on her," Ray said heading toward the back. As Joe finished getting Mr. Long Feather's statement, Ray slowly opened the door to the back bedroom. Amy laid curled up in the middle of the bed with her knees pulled up to her chin. Slowly he sat down on the bed and put his hand on her head. Looking up, she sprang into his arms and he held her tight. God how he just wanted to hold her and protect her for the rest of her life. When her younger sister mysteriously died 3 years ago she was removed from her father's home and became a foster child in the care of Ray's mother and father. Ray had just graduated from High School and had entered the Police Academy. Over the past three years they had fallen in love. Ray had proposed to her a month ago when she finished her Junior year in school. She'll turn 18 in September and they planned to marry after she graduated next June.

Ray took her by the shoulder's and held her away from him a little so that he could look at her. "Can you tell me what happened? What were you doing at your father's house?"

Amy drew in a shuttering breath and looked up at Ray, drawing strength from him. "Carol Kemp called and told me that Johnny had come back to pay his respects to Jack's grave. He wanted to see the old place to put some past demons to rest. He also wanted to meet with me to make sure I was okay. I thought it would be safe, that Charles wouldn't be home until late. We were in the kitchen when Charles came in. He took one look at Johnny and lost it. He started shouting that he was going to finish what he started 7 years ago and make sure that Johnny dies this time. Johnny grabbed me and pushed me toward his friend yelling for his friend to get me out of the house. His friend, Roy, I think his name was, brought me over here and told me to call the police and to stay inside then he returned to help Johnny. I didn't know what else to do. God, please tell me he didn't kill them. Please tell me that they're going to be okay."

Ray pulled her close and stroked her hair. "I'm not a doctor, but I think they will be okay. Johnny's friend looks like he got the worst of it. Charles took a knife to him. Johnny seemed okay and he seemed to know how to take care of his friend's wounds."

"What about Charles. Did you arrest him?" Amy asked.

"I'm sorry, Honey. Johnny said that he ran out the back door when he heard the sirens. But this time we have something that can really stick to him, so we'll put out an APB on him and as soon as he shows his face we'll bring him in." Ray replied, giving her a big hug. "Hey what say I drive you over to the hospital and check up on Johnny and his friend? I'll need to get a more complete statement from him anyways."

Amy nodded and they headed toward his cruiser. He thanked the Long Feathers and told Joe that he would catch up with him at the hospital. Ray climbed into the cruiser and started the 30 minute drive to the hospital. He silently put in a prayer that Johnny's friend would make it there.

------------EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE------------

The trip to the hospital was the longest trip Johnny could ever remember. He was sure that he had transported people from further away, but not with out the necessary equipment, and not when it was someone he cared so much about. Johnny monitored Roy's breathing and pulse as he kept a quiet monologue going. He talked with Roy about what was going on, about the town as they passed through it, about past rescues, about what they were going to do when they get back to LA, about anything that came to mind. He just knew he had to keep talking. He couldn't pass out. He had to make sure that Roy made it to the hospital.

When they reached the hospital Johnny went on autopilot. The back of the ambulance opened up and the attendants pulled the stretcher out and into the Emergency Room, Johnny following along. The stretcher was greeted by a short blond haired doctor, "Okay gentlemen what do we have here?" he asked looking to the two attendants. He was startled when a rather rough looking individual with disheveled clothing and several surface injuries stepped up.

"The patient suffered a deep laceration on his left upper arm, no major blood vessels appear to be affected. He was then stabbed under his right arm penetrating most likely into the lung." Johnny gave his report with a quiet and controlled voice. Anyone who knew him would have said a little too quiet and controlled. Breathing was becoming harder but he needed to finish giving all the information to the doctor so that Roy could receive the best medical attention. "I was able to secure the knife in place. Respirations are shallow and labored, but there isn't any apparent diminished breath sounds on the injured side. Pulse is rapid and weak. Patient has been in and out of consciousness during the trip in. No noticeable head injuries."

Doctor Murphy looked the man up and down again. Obviously he had some medical training, possibly as a medic over in Vietnam. Having served a tour over there himself thanks to the Army assisting him with medial school he was well aware of how knowledgeable the guys in the field were and had no hesitation in accepting the information provided. His philosophy was 'anything that could help him help the patient better was accepted and appreciated. "Okay then, let's take a look and see what we can do for him down here before we send him up to surgery. Erin, let's get an I.V. set up and type and cross match him. I want x-rays so we can see what we have. While we're waiting on the O.R. let's get that arm cleaned and stitched up."

Johnny stood in the back ground watching as the tall dark haired nurse started an I.V. and then removed the improvised compress on Roy's arm. The bleeding had stopped and she prepared the area to be sutured. The x-ray tech arrived and started to set up. It was then that Johnny knew that Roy was in good hands and would be well taken care of. His job was done. Slowly he leaned against the back wall and sank to the floor.

Erin looked up from the suture tray she was setting up for Dr. Murphy and noticed the tall dark haired gentleman lean against the wall and slowly sink to the floor, "Dr. Murphy, the other gentleman!" She exclaimed as she made her way around the table to Johnny's side and gently assisted in laying him flat on the floor. He was cold and clammy and his breaths were rapid and shallow. His eyes were rolled back into his head and his whole body shook with the loss of the adrenaline rush.

Dr. Murphy did a quick assessment of the situation, "He's in shock. Let's get him up on an exam table. I want him on oxygen and an I.V. set up. Once we have him stabilized Erin, if you can do an initial exam on him and let me know what we are up against, I'll join you as soon as I stitch up this other one's arm and get him up to surgery."

Erin grabbed the two ambulance attendants that were still out in the hall and had them assist her in getting the man onto the table. Oxygen and an I.V. were started and Erin began her head to toe assessment. He had a slight concussion on the back of his head. The area was still sticky with blood. Eye's were equal and reactive and no blood in the ears. A small wound on his right cheek that had once been sutured was busted open again. She cut away his t-shirt and noted that his right shoulder appeared to have been recently injured, but did not seem to have been reinjured. His ribs also on the right side appeared to be broken. An x-ray would be needed. She slowly rolled him to his left to check his back and gasped. Criss crossing his back were a dozen or more old faded scars that to an untrained eye would seem inconsequential. But as a Nurse in this area, Erin had unfortunately become all too familiar with the results of a belt being taken to the back of a child. She had a strong feeling that if she looked closer she would find other tell tale scars. She slowly shook her head and continued the exam. Three small angry red circular burns on his back just under his right shoulder blade were the only other injuries she found. She would give even odds that they were made from the business end of a cigarette. Surprisingly, despite his rough appearance and previous apparent injuries his situation did not appear to be life threatening. In fact, as she was finishing up her exam he moaned, reached up and tried to take the O2 mask off. "Now, now, just leave that where it is. Dr. Murphy, he's coming around."

"Okay, I'm just finishing up here. Chuck, Fred, take this guy up to the OR. Dr. Signini is waiting for him. Take his x-rays too." Dr. Murphy said as he pulled off his gloves, pushed the suture tray out of the way and walked over to the second exam table. The two orderlies took the ends of the table Roy was on and wheeled it out of the room. "So what do we have here Erin?"

Erin ran through her findings as Johnny again reached up to remove the O2 mask. "Here let me help you with that." Dr. Murphy said as he reached up to help remove the mask. "Feeling a little better? Adrenaline can be a real bitch. A life saver while you need it, but it will drop you like a two bit whore when you don't."

Johnny looked around. Plain white walls, fluorescent lights, trays with medial equipment on them. Oh yeah, the hospital. The hospital! Charles! The fight! Roy! Johnny's eyes got wide with concern as he tried to sit up and get a better view of the room. "Roy?" Johnny croaked, his throat dry from the Oxygen.

"Whoa there, just lay back and save your voice. I presume you're asking about the other fellow you came in with? He just went up to surgery. Thanks to your help he has a good chance in making it. Now let's work on getting you fixed up." Dr. Murphy said as he gently put a hand on Johnny's chest and laid him back down.

"I'm okay, just need to rest a little." Johnny said as he tried to push the doctor's hands away. He knew what was wrong with him, but he just didn't want anyone touching him right now. Didn't want anyone seeing the scars, the old and …. the new. Johnny involuntarily shuddered as he remembered Charles Strongbow leaning over him, inflicting his latest scars.

"_It's been a while little half breed, but you're still mine, to do with as I please. You've got the marks to prove it." Charles had laughed as he pulled up the back of Johnny's shirt and slowly traced a finger down one of the deeper scars. The knock on the back of Johnny's head where Charles had thrown him against the wall had left him disoriented. As he curled himself up into the smallest ball he could, he was no longer a grown man, but a scared little 11 year old. A skinny little boy who knew it was hopeless to fight back. He only hoped that this time Charles would tire of his 'sport' quickly. "I guess I'll have to remind you that you are nothing but a piece of trash. And what do we do with trash? We burn it." Charles took a long drag on his cigarette and then touched it to Johnny's back just below his right shoulder blade and held it there. Johnny felt the searing pain as the cigarette burned his flesh. He flinched but he didn't dare cry out. Charles had always told him that 'real men can handle a little pain'. Crying out only caused more pain. So he held his breath and gritted his teeth. Charles burned him two more times before it stopped. Someone had come in and pulled Charles off of him. He heard Charles fall backwards into the counter. He heard someone call his name and ask if he was okay. He heard Charles charge the other person and the other person cry out in pain and fall to the ground. He heard the sirens. He heard Charles run out the back door. He knew that his head hurt, his ribs hurt, and his back hurt. But he also knew that Charles had hurt someone else and he had to help that person. Slowly he crawled over to the other body that laid there with its' back to him. Gently he had rolled the person onto their back being careful not to jostle the knife sticking out of the ribs. He looked down at the face. Roy! Johnny had immediately gone into paramedic mode and stayed that way until he was certain Roy was in good hands._

"Well now, from what my nurse tells me, you are a shade this side of being 'okay'. First off you have a concussion and although it doesn't seem too serious, you'll probably need a few stitches. And while we are in the stitching department, we'll want to put a couple back in your face to replace the ones that were torn out. I'm not sure about your ribs. I'd say they were cracked for sure, but if they were previously cracked then they are probably broken now. Might explain the difficulty breathing? And then I'm sure you'll want us to clean up those burns to make sure they don't get infected. They're in a spot that's hard to reach so don't go telling me that you'll take care of them yourself. All though I probably wouldn't be wrong in guessing that you've had some experience in that department would I?" Dr. Murphy said looking at Johnny with his hands on his hips and a half grin on his face.

"Yeah." Johnny simply stated as he closed his eyes.

"Is that 'yeah, you can go a head and treat me,' or is that 'yeah, you may be the greatest doc in the world, but I still don't want you touching me'?"

"Yeah, you can go a head and treat me." Johnny sighed.

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road. Erin can you get the x-ray techs back in here. I want the chest and throw in the head too just for good measures. When they're done with you then we'll get you cleaned and stitched up."

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An hour later, with a few more stitches and his broken ribs taped, Johnny was sitting on the side of the exam table staring at the remains of his shirt. It was torn and stained with blood. His blood and Roy's blood. "Why did it have to be Roy's blood? Why did Charles have to hurt Roy? He didn't deserve to get hurt, he was only protecting me. If anyone deserved to get hurt it was me." Johnny hadn't realized he spoken out loud until the pretty brown haired nurse, what was her name… oh yeah, Erin, put her hand on his shoulder. She put her other hand under his chin and tilted his head up to look in her sparkling blue eyes.

"Nobody, and I mean _Nobody, deserves_ to be beaten up, stabbed or burned. Not your friend, not you, and especially not a child." Johnny's eyes fell to the floor. Erin sighed and went on, "Now unless you have a sentimental attachment to this shirt," she said as she reached down and took the shirt from Johnny's hands and laid it on the table, "Let's go see if we can find you something else to wear. You don't want to look like something the cat dragged in when you go up to see your friend do you?"

Johnny's eyes shot up, "How is Roy? Is he out of surgery? Is he in recovery? Will they be taking him to ICU? When will I be able to see him?" Johnny asked as he slid off the table.

"Hold on. One thing at a time. Yes he is out of surgery, he is in recovery, and he is doing fine. I believe that they are going to move him to a regular med/surg floor. So like I said let's get you a new top, perhaps something to eat, and then by that time I am sure they will have moved him to a regular room," Erin said as she gently guided him down the hall to the donated clothes box. She was definitely interested in finding out more about this man.

_Song of Life_

Chapter 7

Johnny sat in the cafeteria of the hospital poking at the meatloaf and mashed potatoes on the tray in front of him.

"I know it's not the best in the world," Erin smiled gently at him, "but you gotta eat something. You don't want to pass out on us and make me start another IV on you and admit you, do you?"

Johnny gave her a half grin and short laugh. "You sound like Dixie."

"Who's Dixie?"

"She's a friend back in L.A. The charge E.R. nurse at Rampart where Roy and I are based out of."

"Oh, are you an ambulance attendant?" Erin asked, that would explain some of his knowledge.

Johnny truly smiled this time. He was use**d** to this common misunderstanding. "Actually we are Firefighter/Paramedics with L.A. County. We are trained in advanced life support and with a doctor's authorization are able to administer life saving medications and procedures. It's a pretty new program. Roy was in the first class and I was in the second class. That was about 2 years ago."

"You and Roy have been partners ever since?"

"Yep. He's more than just a partner though; he's sort of like the big brother I always wanted. His youngest kid, Jenny, has even started calling me Uncle Johnny. She's a real cutie. She just turned 4 and boy is she a little spit fire, not at all afraid to speak her mind. Roy and his wife Joanne are sure going to have their hands full." Johnny dropped his fork and sat up straight in his chair. "Oh gods, Joanne! I've got to let her know what's going on. I need to call her." Johnny sprang from his chair."Is there a phone I could use?"

Erin stood up and took his tray**,** "Sure, you can use the one in Dr. Murphy's office. I'll take this with us and you can finish eating it after you call her."

Erin escorted Johnny to the office and sat the tray on the desk. Johnny sat down and stared at the phone. "I don't know what to say to her. I'm the one who's supposed to protect Roy. She's going to hate me forever."

Erin put her hand on his shoulder**,** "Johnny, would Roy risk his own life to save his children? To save Joanne?"

"Of course he would. Roy's very protective of his family," Johnny said proudly.

Erin smiled**,** "You said Roy is like your big brother. I think Joanne would understand a big brother protecting his younger brother. Don't you?"

"I just don't want to upset her. I don't want to worry her or the kids."

"I think she'll be more upset if you don't call her. Why don't I go check on where they put that friend of yours while you make the call?" Erin asked as she stepped out of the room.

Johnny stared at the phone and slowly picked it up. He knew the phone number by heart. One ring, two rings, "Hello, this is my house," came a small female voice on the other end.

Johnny broke into a big smile. Roy and Joanne had been trying to teach Jenny how to answer the phone. "It is your house, huh? Well is this the lady of the house?"

Johnny could almost hear the smile in the little 4 year olds voice when she next spoke. "Uncle Johnny! Are you home? Did you bring me anything? I really want a pony. Daddy said you have horses where you went to visit. Mommy, it's Uncle Johnny. I asked him if he brought me a pony back. If he did could we please keep it? I'd take good care of it. Please."

Johnny started to laugh until his ribs reminded him of why he was calling. "Jenny, sweetheart, could you put your mommy on for me please."

"Johnny, hey, what's all this about a horse?" Joanne asked with a slight chuckle in her voice. "You didn't promise Jenny you were going to bring her one back did you? Because if you did, you'd have to find a way to keep it at your apartment. Our back yard is not big enough."

Johnny smiled slightly, "Sorry Joanne, I don't know how she got that idea. She said something about Roy mentioning we had horses up here."

"Speaking of Roy where is that husband of mine?"

Johnny sighed and took a deep breath, "Actually Joanne, that's why I'm calling."

He could hear Joanne sit down and her voice became serious, "Johnny, what's wrong? Where's Roy?"

"We're at Grant Mercy Hospital up here in Montana. The doctor says Roy is going to be fine. He was hurt while protecting me from being attacked. He was cut by a knife on his left arm and then stabbed on the right side of his chest. They were able to stitch up the arm in emergency, but had to take him up to surgery because the knife had penetrated his lung. I haven't seen him yet, but they told me that everything went well in surgery and that he was going to be moved to a regular floor and not ICU." Johnny sank back in his chair. A tear rolled down his cheek and his voice shook, "I'm so sorry Joanne, gods I am so sorry. It should have been me."

"Johnny, listen to me, it shouldn't have been anyone so don't blame yourself. I know you would have protected him if you could. You said yourself that he is going to be okay. Now, I'm not going to be able to get up there to be with him so promise me that you will be there when he wakes up. Promise me that if his condition changes in the slightest you will call me. And Johnny, promise me that you will take care of yourself too. Okay?" Joanne said with strength in her voice.

"Okay Joanne, I promise." Johnny said, amazed at the calmness in her voice. "Joanne, are you going to be okay?"

"Johnny, I'm a firefighter's wife, for better or for worse. This isn't the first time I've gotten a call from a hospital and I am sure it's not going to be the last. If I need any help, I'll call the other wives. If you could have the doctor give me a call, I'll call Hank. Take care of him for me Johnny**,** and take care of yourself too." With that Joanne hung up.

Johnny hung up the phone and let out a long shuddering breath. He never ceased to be amazed at how strong a woman Joanne was. He looked at the tray of food in front of him and remembered his promises to not only take care of Roy, but to also take care of himself. His stomach reminded him that he hadn't had anything to eat since lunch.

As he was finishing the last of the meatloaf Erin poked her head in, "Hey Johnny, glad to see you finally found your appetite. I found out your friend, Roy, is in Room 218 and is listed in stable condition. Before you go upstairs though, there are two ladies and a Deputy Sheriff out here looking for you."

Johnny stood up, "Thanks Erin, you've been very helpful. I wish there was someway I could repay you for all your kindness."

Erin smiled, "Maybe when your friend's a little better you could take me out to dinner and tell me more about L.A. and this paramedic program."

"It's a deal," Johnny said**,** smiling back at her.

Erin led Johnny out to the waiting room where Carol, Amy and Ray were seated. As Johnny approached Amy jumped up and threw her arms around him. Johnny drew in a short breath and winced as her arms encircled his bruised and battered ribs.

"Oh Johnny, I was so scared. Ray said that he thought you had been hurt, but he didn't know how bad." Amy said with tears running down her cheeks.

"Shhhh, it's going to be okay. Don't worry. I'm okay really. Just a couple of bumps and bruises." Johnny leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Just like old times. A couple stitches and I'm good to go."

Ray had noticed Johnny's discomfort from having Amy's arms circling him and stepped forward to disengage her. "Let him have some breathing room Amy."

Amy turned and put her arm around Ray, "Johnny, I was hoping to introduce you two under better circumstances, but I would like you to meet Ray Two Ponies. Ray, this is my brother Johnny Gage."

Ray stuck out his right hand, "Nice to officially meet you, Johnny. I remember watching you run at a couple of the track meets. You were pretty good."

Johnny reached out and shook the offered hand, "As I remember, you were one of the best quarterbacks our school ever produced. I always thought you'd go on to college with an athletic scholarship."

"Well, unfortunately, there aren't too many recruiters that come out to watch a small reservation team play," Ray said shrugging his shoulders, "Besides, after meeting Amy, I looked into law enforcement so I could help get people like Strongbow off the streets."

A look of hope flashed in Johnny's eyes "Did you get that son of a bitch?"

Ray looked grim and shook his head, "Sorry Johnny, we haven't found him yet. We have an APB out on him so it's just a matter of time."

Carol stepped up, noticing the slight look of panic in Johnny's eyes. "Ray, why don't you take Amy down to the cafeteria and get her something to eat now that we know Johnny's okay."

As Amy and Ray headed for the cafeteria, Johnny leaned back against the wall and wrapped his arms around himself. "He's still out there, they didn't get him. He knows I'm back. He's going to find me and then he's going to … to… he's going to…" Johnny's body started to shake at the thought of Strongbow forcing himself upon him again.

Carol reached up and gently stroked Johnny's cheek, "It's going to be okay Johnny, you heard Ray, they have an APB out on him. They'll catch him and this time he'll go away for good. Now, why don't we go find Roy and see how he's doing?"

The mention of Roy had the desired effect Carol had hoped for. Johnny pushed all concern for himself to the back and focused on his friend. "The nurse said he's in room 218. I told Joanne I would be there when he wakes up."

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Johnny sat in the chair he had pulled up next to Roy's bed. His left hand rested gently on Roy's left wrist, his fingers reflexively searching out the strong radial pulse. The gentle steady push on his finger tips a constant reassurance that Roy was alive. When he and Carol had reached the floor the nurses advised them that Roy woke up briefly in recovery and was oriented to where he was and what had happened. They left him on the vent to give his right lung a little more support until he was more alert and awake for a longer period of time.

Exhaustion had caught up with Johnny and he was lightly dozing when he felt a slight twitch under his hand. Standing up instantly he had to catch himself on the bed rail as a wave of dizziness washed over him. Looking over at Roy**, **he saw two concerned eyes looking back at him. Johnny smiled slightly, here was Roy laying in a hospital bed with a tube down his throat and he was worrying about Johnny.

"Hey pally, how ya doing?"

Roy pointed to the tube sticking out his mouth.

"The nurses say they'll take you off the vent as soon as you stay awake long enough. Probably in the morning when the doc makes rounds. They just want to give your lung a little more time to rest. I called Joanne. She's doing okay. She sends her love."

Roy pointed to Johnny.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Just a few more bumps and bruises. How about you? Do you need anything? Do you want me to go get the nurse?" Johnny asked, purposefully directing the conversation away from himself.

Roy shook his head no slightly as his eyes started to drift back to sleep.

Johnny patted Roy's shoulder, "Okay pally, you get some more sleep. I'll be here when you wake up again." Johnny sat back down in the chair and placed his hand back on Roy's wrist. The steady pulse lulling him to sleep.

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After the 7:00am shift change, Nurse Jody Knight started making her rounds. The load was fairly light. There were the 3 from the previous morning and 1 new admittance last night. Jody checked on the previous 3 first, making sure they were waking up and getting ready for breakfast, saving the new admittance for last, so she would have a little more time to review his stats. As she walked into the room she saw a gentleman in a chair next to the bed fast asleep under a blanket the previous nurse had tucked around him. She had been advised that the patient's friend had spent the night sitting vigil. Quietly walking up to the side of the bed she noticed the patient was awake, his left hand protectively resting on top of the other gentleman's left hand. Slowly the patient lifted his right finger toward his lips in a shushing motion and then pointed at his friend. Jody nodded and spoke in a quiet voice. "Good morning Mr. DeSoto, my name is Jody and I'll be your nurse this morning. I'm going to take a quick check and see how you are doing. Okay?"

Roy gave her a thumb up and then pointed to the tube still in his throat. God how he hated not being able to talk. He understood the necessity of it, but he had been awake now for about a half an hour and he was definitely at the point of wanting it out.

Jody smiled slightly, "I know, you want that out. Your surgeon, Dr. Signini**,** will probably be around in about an hour and once he checks you over we'll see if we can get you off that. Now let me get some vitals on you and see about getting some of these dressings changed. Unfortunately I'm going to need your friend to move so I can get to the dressings on your arm over there."

Turning his head slightly to face Johnny, Roy gently gave his hand a squeeze. Johnny's eyes flew open and he looked around trying to orient himself. As his eyes finally come to rest on Roy's, a big smile graced his face, "Hey partner, how's it going?" Johnny noticed the nurse standing on the other side of the bed. "How's he doing? Are they going to be able to take him off the vent soon?"

Jody looked up from the chart she had been recording his current vitals on, "Well his stats look very good so I would venture to guess that when the doctor makes his rounds this morning he'll probably order the vent removed. He should be by in about an hour, if you'd like to go down to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast."

Johnny felt Roy grasp his hand a little tighter, "Thanks anyway, I think I'll stay here until they remove the vent. I know how scary it is not being able to communicate with anyone while you have a tube down your throat." Johnny locked eyes with his partner, reassuring him that he wasn't going anywhere. The panicked look in Roy's eyes was replaced by a look of gratitude.

Jody nodded and smiled, "That'll be just fine. Once I'm done changing the dressing on his chest here, I'll need over on that side to take care of his arm." In short order Jody had all the dressings changed and had left to prepare for the morning breakfasts and meds.

Johnny came back over and sat on the edge of the bed and filled Roy in on the pretty nurse he had met in E.R., making small talk until the doctor arrived. True to her word, approximately an hour latter, Dr. Signini came through on rounds.

"Good morning Mr. DeSoto, I'm Dr. Signini. The nurses tell me you're pretty anxious to get that tube out of your throat. Well let me take a look at your chest and see how things look." Dr. Signini looked up at Johnny who was now standing by the bedside holding onto Roy's hand. "You must be the young man who brought him in. Dr Murphy said that if it wasn't for your handy work before he got here that he might not have made it. You did a really great job stabilizing that knife. How did you know not to pull it out?"

Johnny looked down at Roy, "Honestly I don't remember much about last night, I guess I went on autopilot. Roy and I are paramedics back in L.A. County. Much like the military corp. men over in Vietnam, we're trained to provide immediate life saving interventions under the directives of a doctor prior to the patient's arrival at the hospital."

"Hmmm, sounds like something Dr. Murphy would love to have up here. It could really make a difference. Now," Dr. Signini said looking back at Roy, "the sight looks really good and your lung sounds are clear and equal. So if you'reready let**'**s get rid of that tube." Jody came in and gently moved Johnny down towards Roy's feet. She quickly unhooked the machine and removed the tape holding it in place

Johnny moved over and stood by Roy's right side next to the doctor. Taking hold of Roy's hand lending him the strength he knew Roy would need as they removed the tube.

"Okay Mr. DeSoto, this is going to hurt a little, but I need you to cough forcefully as I pull the tube out. You ready?" Dr. Signini asked as looked down into Roy's eyes. Roy nodded. "Alright then, on the count of three I need you to cough, one, two, three."

The pain that gripped Roy's chest rivaled the initial injury as the doctor pulled the tube from his throat in one smooth motion. The forceful cough turned into spasms of dry heaves as his body tried to rectify the sensations it was feeling. His eyes slammed shut and sweat broke out on his forehead. Johnny stepped up to the head of the bed and placed his left hand under Roy's neck, his right hand still desperately clutched in Roy's right hand. Johnny stood there quietly holding his friend until the spasms eased. "You're going to be okay, don't worry, it only hurts like hell for a few minutes. Just try to start taking slow breaths. That's right nice and steady," Johnny crooned gently. While Johnny had Roy cradled in his arms, Dr. Signini walked around to the other side of the bed and placed his stethoscope on Roy's back.

After a few moments**,** as Roy's breaths began to even out, Dr. Signini pronounced, "Sounding good, sounding good. I'm going to put a nasal cannula on you to give you a little more O2, but I definitely think you are on the road to recovery." Jody came back in with a pitcher of ice chips and left them on the bedside table. Dr. Signini gave her a few orders and left the room. Jody looked at Johnny who was now soothing Roy by running a hand across his sweat soaked forehead. She stepped into the bathroom and retrieved a washcloth. Returning from the bathroom she handed it to Johnny who dabbed the sweat from his friends face and neck. "When he's ready, there are some ice chips he can have to help sooth his throat. You seem to have things under control here. I'll check back in an hour. If you need me before then, don't hesitate to call."

Johnny sat on the edge of the bed, quietly listening to his friend's shallow ragged breathing. He knew the breaths would even out and deepen in time. Noticing Roy trying to swallow and not having much success with a dry mouth, Johnny stepped over and scooped up a spoonful of ice chips. "Here, this will help."

Roy gratefully accepted the ice and relished in the cool moisture that soothed his throat. Testing his voice he whispered, "Thanks."

"Not a problem partner. How you doin?"

"Feel like lungs ripped out."

"Yeah," Johnny agreed. "Extubation is never easy. I swear, the next doctor that says 'it's gong to hurt a little', I'm going to intubate, strap to a bed, leave there for 24 hours and then extubate."

"What time? Day?" Roy croaked.

"It's about 9am. You've been here for about 18 hours."

"You?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. You just concentrate on getting better."

Roy shook his head, "I meant, you been here all night?"

"I wanted to make sure you were going to be okay."

"Fine, just need rest. You too. Go back to Carol's. Eat. Sleep. See you tonight." As Roy's eyes drifted close he whispered one more word, "Promise."

"I promise partner, I promise." Johnny said as he stood up and headed for the door.

_Song of Life_

Chapter 8

Carol drove Johnny back to her place and after a brunch of left over meatloaf, eggs and hash browns she put him to bed. He was asleep in a matter of minutes, his left arm draped across his eyes, warding out the evils of the world. And unless the spirits were close, she knew that wouldn't last. The nightmares would be back. Already his body was trembling and a soft whispered**,** 'no, please don't' escaped his lips. She was not a medicine woman, but some of the ladies of the tribe had given her some talismans to help protect the ill when Jack was in his last stages of cancer. Pulling the box out from under her bed she carried it back to Johnny's room. First she took out the pouch of tobacco and starting at his head sprinkled it around his body clockwise. Next she took the dream catcher out and tied it on the headboard above his head. Finally she took a rust colored feather with a dark brown stripe across the top 4th and held it close to her own heart. Looking toward the ceiling she quietly spoke, "Jack, please help him to have a strong courageous heart." Leaning over Carol placed the feather on Johnny's chest. His breathing slowed and his body stilled. "Rest well Johnny, nothing can hurt you now." Quietly turning**,** she left the room, closing the door behind her. Outside a hawk flew to the tree beside the window of the room where the now still figure slept. It would stay close by until the evil was no longer a threat.

When Johnny awoke it was dark outside. Slowly sitting up, the feather that lay on his chest fell onto his lap. Picking it up, he carefully examined the magnificent Red Tail Hawk feather. Gently he laid it on his pillow and noticed the dream catcher and the ring of tobacco. The old man in the cave that he stayed with when he was 8 had used similar medicine to help him sleep undisturbed. No wonder he felt as if he had slept for a week. Stretching, his bladder reminded him that it had at least been several hours since he was awake. Getting up**,** he went to the bathroom and then took a long hot shower. The water on his sore muscles, bruises and burns reminded him of all that had transpired. Finishing up and pulling on a clean pair of pants he found Carol sitting in her favorite chair reading a book.

"Hey sleepy head, I was beginning to wonder when you were going to get up and join the world**.**" She closed the book and placed it on the table next to her.

"Thanks for the protective circle, how long was I out?" Johnny asked as he walked over to the front window and looked out. A faint pink was just starting to peek out above the horizon to the east.

Carol came and stood beside him, "I'd say about 18 hours."

"I should have been at the hospital with Roy."

"I called and spoke with him last night. He said he was glad you were getting the rest you needed and he told me to 'under no circumstances wake you'. I think he is as worried about you as you are about him."

"How did he sound?"

"He sounded tired but okay. I spoke with one of the nurses who said that he had slept most of the day and that he had even taken some clear broth and jello for dinner. They said that if he did well through the night that they would give him something a little more solid this morning. Speaking of food, let**'**s go rustle something up in the kitchen. My food has got to be better than the hospital's**.**"

Johnny gave Carol a crooked smile**,** "That's not saying much, even Chet's cooking is better than the hospital's**.**"

Carol reached up and ruffled Johnny's hair; she had learned a long time ago not to playfully swat at him**,** "Come on you scamp, just for that you get to cook the sausage."

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After breakfast Johnny helped Carol with a few chores around the farm and then headed to the hospital. As if almost out of reflex**,** he headed to the Emergency Room first. Walking into the admitting area, he stood there looking confused and a little disoriented. The ER clerk looked up from her stack of paperwork and gave him the once over, trying to figure out if he was high on something and going to be a problem.

"If you need to see a doctor you're going to have to fill out these forms and take a seat**,**" she said looking a little put off.

"I came to check up on my partner, he was brought in by ambulance." Johnny replied looking around for a familiar face.

"What's his name?" the clerk asked in a bored tone.

"Roy, Roy DeSoto." Johnny replied.

After a few minutes of flipping through papers she looked up at him. "I don'tsee his information here. Have you checked the morgue?"

Johnny was not only confused now; he was also starting to panic, "The morgue? But he was fine when I last saw him."

"Well, if he came into the ER then I would have his information here and since I don't, then it's most likely that they took him straight to the morgue." She was doing her best to get rid of him. She knew his type, reservation trash. Why didn't they just stay on their own land and go to their own clinics.

Johnny was definitely panicking at this point. "He can't be in the morgue; he was fine when I left! Why didn't anyone call me? There's got to be a mistake!"

Erin, who had arrived an hour and a half early for her shift hoping to catch up to the young man she had met last night, heard the commotion. "What's going on over here Courtney?"

Courtney looked a little relieved; the nurse would help clear this 'rezzie' out of here. "Nurse Shaw, I was just trying to inform this 'gentleman' that I didn't have any paperwork on his friend here and that it might be possible that they took him to the morgue."

"Actually, his friend was admitted last night and is upstairs in a room. Did you think to call admitting?" Erin really did not care for this girl's attitude.

"Well, he didn't say that his friend was brought in last night." Courtney replied defensively.

"That's fine Courtney, I'll take it from here," Erin said turning to Johnny, "I was hoping I would run into you today."

"Erin, what did she mean, 'Roy was in the morgue'? He is okay**,** isn't he?

Erin placed a reassuring hand on Johnny's arm, "I'm sure he's okay. Why don't I buy you a cup of coffee? You don't want to go see Roy while you are all upset." Erin had hoped he would say yes, she had some very important news to tell him.

"I'd like that, thanks." Johnny still looked confused, but less panicked.

As they walked down the hall, Erin looked over at Johnny and thought back to the picture of a young man about the same age that sat on her mother's dresser. The picture was of her uncle that died when she was only 5 years old. She knew very little of her uncle. She knew that her uncle had married an Indian woman and moved away. Hermother told her that it was because of 'that woman' that her uncle had died. Because of their loss, her grandparents, who had tolerated the local Native Americans, ended up hating them with a passion. That passion ate at them, leaving them bitter and hateful. Her mother, when they passed away**,** carried on that hatred. Erin grew distant from her mother because of that hatred, a hatred Erin could not accept or tolerate. As soon as she was old enough she moved to California to live with her aunt, her mother's older sister, where she studied to become a nurse. It was there that she met Dr. Murphy who talked about going out and practicing medicine among the needy and the poor. It was at his encouraging that she followed him and found herself back in her home town providing comfort and care to all in need. Since her return**,** she'd had little contact with her mother so it was no wonder that her mother refused to talk to her this morning about a young man she met at the hospital. A young man that carried the same last name as her grandparents and bore an uncanny resemblance to her uncle. It wasn't until she called her aunt that she learned the whole story, a story she was anxious to share with her long lost cousin.

Erin grabbed two cups of coffee and sat down at the table opposite of Johnny. "Johnny, I know we only met last night, but would you mind telling me a little bit about your family?"

"My family? What's to tell?" Johnny, caught a little off guard**,** asked.

"Well, I know you are from L.A., but do you have family here?"

"My little sister Amy, you met her last night, she's living with the Two Ponies now, and there's my friend Carol. I came back to pay respects to her husband Jack who recently passed away. He was my track coach and mentor." Johnny took a cautious sip of his coffee wondering where this conversation was going.

"What about your parents? Do they live in the area?"

"My step dad still lives on the reservation. He's one of the Elders there. But I try not to have much contact with him."

"From the looks of last night, you didn't have too much success in that department.. What about your mom and your real dad?"

"My mom passed away when I was 13 and my dad died when I was 2." Johnny played with the lip of the cup.

Erin pressed on, "Do you have any other family? Grandparents?"

Johnny made a face, "My mom was Indian and my dad was white. Neither side wanted a half breed. It's getting late and I need to get upstairs and see Roy. Thanks for the coffee."

Before he could stand up**,** Erin placed a hand on his arm, "Johnny wait, I didn't mean to upset you. Johnny, I had an uncle that married an Indian lady when I was about 2 years old. I don't remember much about him because he died when I was 5. My mom and my grandparents would only talk about his life up until he married and moved away. Only my Aunt Rosa who lives in Berkley ever talked about my uncle and his wife. She had visited them shortly after the birth of their son. She said they were the happiest family she had ever seen. When I spoke with her last night she said it had been so long ago that she had forgotten the child's first name. But she couldn't forget the middle name because it was the same as her brother, my uncle's first name. My uncle's name was Roderick Gage."

Johnny sat there blinking, trying to absorb the information he had just received. "That's my father's name." He shook his head, "But…my mom, she told me that I had no other family. She said that my father's family disowned us."

"They did. At least my grandparents and my mother did. When my uncle died they could not accept the fact that he had left behind an Indian wife and child so they forbade anyone to ever talk about them. I couldn't forget though. I couldn't accept their hatred so when I was old enough I moved to California to live with my Aunt Rosa. She kept the memory and the love for my uncle's family alive in my heart. I had always wondered what happened to them. When I moved back here, I asked around, but no one would talk to me. My only regret now is that I didn't find them… find you sooner."

Johnny sat there speechless. Not only had he been reunited with his sister, but he now had a cousin. "I don't know what to say. I can't believe it. I was told that no one on my father's side would want me because I was nothing but a worthless piece of half breed trash."

"You are not worthless Johnny. If anything, you are worth more than all those close minded, bigoted people. And I'll tell you something else; I am not the only one who thinks that way. When I talked to Aunt Rosa she was ready to fly up here on the next available flight. She can't wait to see you. I finally convinced her that you had enough going on up here and that it would be better to wait until you returned to L.A."

Johnny broke into a huge grin, "I got a cousin and an aunt." Jumping up he grabbed Erin's hand, "Come on, I gotta go tell Roy. He's gonna flip."

"Slow down Johnny, I need to get back to the E.R. I start my shift in 20 minutes. Why don't I stop by on my break?" She leaned over and gave Johnny a long hug and then handed him a piece of paper. "This is my address and phone number. It also has my … our**…** Aunt Rosa's information."

"Roy's never going to believe this, I've got a pretty nurse's number and I didn't even have to ask her for it." Johnny smiled his crooked smile, "Too bad she's my cousin."

-------------EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE---------

"I don't believe it," Roy said, trying not to laugh. "You're here for less than 48 hours and you are already getting phone numbers of nurses."

"This is different Roy. She's bright, charming, witty, and did I mention she's pretty too?" Johnny was having fun.

"Yeah and what's going to happen when you leave to go back to L.A.? You haven't decided to stay here have you?"

"No, I'm not gonna stay here. She has an aunt in Berkley. We'll get to see each other every now and then. Especially on holidays. I can't wait for you to meet her. But enough about me, how're you doing?" Johnny asked as he pulled up a chair and finally sat down; his youthful exuberance quieting.

"Doing better, the doctor said they would probably take out the chest tube this evening. He said the wound was clean and should heal nicely, the arm too. Hey listen Johnny; I really want to thank you. You saved my life out there. Someone with less experience would have probably taken the knife out and that would have collapsed my lung for sure."

"Hey man, it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me. In fact, if you hadn't come in when you did I don't know what that bastard would have done to me." Johnny shuddered at the thought.

"Don't worry partner, it's over now."

"That's the problem Roy, it's not over. He's still out there, and now he knows I'm here."

"He may be out there, but not for long. We have every unit on alert. We'll find him**,**" said a voice from the doorway.

"Ray," Johnny said**,** standing up and beckoning him into the room, "I don't think you've officially met my partner and the only reason I am not 'the best paramedic in L.A.', Roy DeSoto. Roy this is Ray Two Ponies, Amy's fiancée."

"Nice to meet ya Roy, glad to see you're doing a lot better than the last time I saw you. I want to thank you for making sure Amy got to safety. Unfortunately I'm not here on a social visit. I was wondering if you were up to giving me a statement about what happened the other day. Johnny, I'll need to get your statement too."

Roy looked at Johnny who was chewing on his lower lip**,** "You ready for this partner?"

"Yeah," Johnny said looking up and drawing strength from Roy**,** "Yeah, I'm ready."

--------------EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--------------

Two hours later Amy knocked on the door to Roy's room**,** "Am I interrupting? I was told that I would find Ray and Johnny here."

Ray stood up and walked over to the young woman. The official business had long since been taken care of and the guys had been talking shop, "Come on in honey, what's up?"

"I was wondering if the two of you wanted to go get something to eat, that's if it's alright with you Roy."

Roy smiled, "Now I know how Johnny feels. He's usually the one being left behind in a hospital bed while the rest of us step out for a bite to eat."

"Did I hear someone mention stepping out for a bite to eat?" Erin asked as she stepped through the door, "Looks like I came at the right time."

Johnny's eyes lit up, "Erin, come on in. I want you to meet everyone. You probably know Ray from work, I'm sure he's brought you a few patients. You met my sister Amy. And this is my partner and best friend Roy. Erin's the nurse I was telling you about Roy, the one from the E.R. that took care of us the other night."

"Nice to officially meet you Erin," Roy said as he gently lifted his hand in greeting.

"This is awesome," Johnny said bubbling over with excitement. "It's almost like a big family reunion now that Erin's here."

"Slow down Johnny, you're not making any sense," Roy said looking confused.

"Well, remember how I told you that she was pretty and smart and charming, well that's not the best part, the best part is she's also a Gage. Well, her real last name is Shaw, but her mom's maiden name is Gage." Johnny looked around at everyone in the room with a big goofy grin on his face, "Don't you get it? Her mom and my dad were sister and brother. She's my cousin. And I have another Aunt in California that wants to meet me."

Roy smiled. "That's fantastic Junior."

"Yeah it is, isn't it? Now I have two families, you guys in L.A. and my real family. I can't wait to get back to L.A. and tell everyone."

"Speaking of getting back," Roy said yawning, "Did it ever occur to you that when I get out of here, I'm not going to be able to help drive back and you're not in any shape to drive the whole way either?"

"Man, that's right," Johnny frowned.

"Wait, I have an idea," Erin piped in, "I have some time off I have to burn before I loose it, I could take a week off and drive down with you. Then Aunt Rosa could meet me down there and I can introduce the two of you. Why don't we discuss it over dinner? I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm starved. They're slow in the E.R. right now so they told me I could take a longer dinner break, but I will have to get back to work. There's a great little place across the street that makes the best hamburgers and fries."

"Wow Junior, she sounds just like you. She even has your appetite."

Johnny smiled, "You want us to bring you anything back?"

"I don't think that hamburgers and fries are on my diet right now. Maybe a vanilla milkshake though," Roy said yawning again. The day's activities were catching up with him.

"Sure Pally, why don't you get some rest and I'll be back a little later." Johnny patted Roy on the leg. Roy's eyes were already starting to drift close.

Quietly the four left the room and headed for the elevator. Johnny literally bounced down the hall, his excitement barely contained. His mood was infectious and the group happily chatted as they rode the elevator down to the first floor and walked out the front door. Erin pointed to the little mom and pop dinner across the street and they headed for the curb to cross. The sun was just starting to touch the tops of the mountains in the west and the evening air had cooled.

Erin shivered as a mountain breeze blew through. "You know what; I'd better grab my jacket real quick. I'll just be a sec."

Johnny bounced on ahead, "I'll go save us a spot," he said as he stepped off the curb and into the street.

Down at the other end of the street an old blue Ford pick up truck sat idling. Charles knew that if he waited long enough that no good piece of trash would blow across his path again. This time he was going to end things for good.

The pick-up's engines revved and it leaped forward, picking up speed as it barreled down the main street, heading straight for Johnny. Charles glared at the young man in the middle of the road. 'How dare he walk around as if he was one of our equals? Damn half breed needs to be put in his place. He's not fit to live among us.' Charles thought to himself**.**

"Johnny! Watch out!" Erin, Ray, and Amy shouted from the sidewalk.

Johnny turned toward them and caught sight of the fast approaching truck. He knew he would never make it to safety in time.

_As the singer sang your song of death,_

_I cried for Joy, for now that life will cheat you no more._

The skree of a hawk cut through the night as it dove toward the truck then pulled up at the last minute. Seeing the large bird heading straight for his windshield, Charles threw his hands up in front of his face. The truck swerved erratically, missing Johnny by what seemed to be mere inches, smashing into the side of a brick building.

Amy rushed over to Johnny and threw her arms around him, "Oh my God, I can't believe he almost killed you."

"Johnny, you okay?" Erin asked as she put her hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"Yeah, not a scratch." Johnny replied in a dazed voice as he saw Ray run over to the remains of the pick-up.

Slowly walking over to the crumbled mess, Johnny stopped and looked down at the trapped man. He hadn't been wearing a seat belt so his head was partially embedded in the windshield, his body bent over the steering wheel. Instinctively reaching for the carotid pulse Johnny knew that he wouldn't find one. Charles Strongbow was dead; killed instantaneously upon impact. A myriad of emotions washed over Johnny as he stood there. He was afraid that it wasn't true, he was happy that it was, he was mad that Charles didn't suffer like he had, he was sad that even though Charles wasn't a good father Amy now had lost both her parents. But most of all he was relieved, relieved that it was finally over. It was over, and now he could go on with his life, a life that promised a better future than he could have ever dreamed.

_Song of Life_

Epilogue

High in the mountains at the edge of the woods, an old man, dressed in the buckskin regalia of the ancestors, stood. A smile added more wrinkles to the deep lines etched in the weathered face. He watched the sun shoot golden beams across the sky as it slipped behind the mountain. A hawk swooped across the lake and landed on the man's out reached arm. "So my friend, it seems the demon is no more and our young man has found a family as well as a brother to watch out for him. Although the one he calls brother is not of the people, his heart is noble."

The Hawk fluttered into the air and in a swirl of mist transformed into a tall dark haired man in a cape of feathers. His bright green eyes shown out from a finely chiseled tan face. "Yes," Jack Kemp's spirit spoke, "the bond is deep and their friendship will last the tests of time. I am glad to see that the singer's last two verses have changed for John Roderick Gage's song of life."

_When the singer sang your song of birth,_

_I cried for Joy, for now behold your life._

_When the singer sang your song of childhood,_

_I cried of Rage, for all you had felt was the pain of life._

_When the singer sang your song of adulthood,_

_I cried for Hope, for you had felt kindness in life._

_And when the singer sings your song of death,_

_I will cry for Joy because you have learned love in life._


End file.
